The Upper School
by Danielle218
Summary: AU. Buffy's POV through out her whole middle school and high school life and how she survives going to a very strict school, which has tons of money. And the faults of just being a kid. And of course... some Angel.
1. Prologue

Prologue

2004

I look out the huge glass window, bullet proof, I add and wonder. It sounds funny. I mean an eighteen year old girl wondering. Does it feel funny because I'm eighteen or because I go to this smart ass school and I should know everything? Looking out the window I see the bright green grass and the sidewalk the lets you into the school. I see the big black gates that they put up but it seems like they don't work because the guard never closes them.

Oh and did I mention we have a guard. He checks our IDs every morning. And when you don't have them you get Sunday detention. I never knew that there was a thing called Sunday detention. I never got it but I remember in my first few years at the school I would always forget, the only reason I wouldn't just stuff it right into my bag was because I need the ID to get my lunch.

See our school isn't normal. We don't have cash registers at the end and you pay for what you buy. Your parents get an order form every trimester and they sign you up and the only way to get food is if you flip your ID on the silver box that has a gate on it. It lets you in. If your ID isn't working or you're not supposed to get lunch it makes this huge noise. It sort of sounds like a police car or an ambulance or something. I just know that it happened to me a few times and when it happened everyone stared at me. I really didn't like it. Made me uncomfortable. But whenever it happens to someone else I always look and see who the poor person is. I sort of feel bad and sort of not. I laugh when it's someone else. Is it bad of me?

I see the teacher writing on the board and I pull out my orange notebook. I have three. Pink is for Biology and English. Blue is for French and Sports Medicine. And Orange is for Math and World History. I never really liked this subject. Just always liked to stare out the window.

The teacher asks a question and finally I raise my hand because I know the answer. But all she does is glare at me. I look down and see my shirt rise over my stomach and I blush slightly. That wasn't really fair. I never participate and when I finally know something she always give me a hard time.

Oh, we have a dress code. A huge one. No shorts or skirts above the knee, boys and girls. No shirts that show your shoulders or that don't cover your shoulder. Nothing tight skinned. No huge heels. No spikes. No showing midriff. I think that one is the worst. Were can I find a shirt that is in style but doesn't show my midriff? I don't think the teachers in our school have common sense.

I slink back into my chair and look back out the window. I see the middle school kids that still have PE and have to run around the school and I remember my time in seventh grade and how life seemed so complicated then, how everything was the end of the world. I look out and see a girl with a red face and brown puffy hair sticking out of her ponytail. She stops and starts walking and puts her hands on top of her head, trying to make the crap go away. She looks into the window and I smile a little at her and give her a reassuring smile, she blushes and looks away.

I look back on the board and see that the teacher, Ms. Levitt, has written more on the board. I start writing down everything and when she starts yelling at the fat kid in the front with a bigger chest size than me, I can't help my little laugh when she starts turning red as a tomato. Cordelia looks at me in the seat next to mine and gives me an amused smile. And I know that she also thinks that this funny. She and I have one thing in common. That is Sex and the City and ER. We love those shows. Obsessed, really. It's all we talk about with each other; I would never dare anything else. I lay back in blue chair that squeaks. The white table in front of me shifts as Cordelia laid her head down.

At least I'm not the only who thinks Ms. Levitt is boring. I look out the class window on the door and see Angel walk slowly back and forth between the classroom doors. I see him look inside the window of my Math class and move his head to the side. I smile a little and get up to _go to the bathroom_.

I sign out, writing my name: Buffy Summers, Time, I look up at the clock, Nine twenty. Oh and did I mention that we have Sign out sheets, we have to sign out every time we go somewhere, because just in case something happens they know we are not in the class. I think they do it just so they can be a bigger pain in the ass then they already are.

I come outside and see Angel leaning against the wall, in his traditional dark blue jeans and white T-Shirt, and his black converses. When I closed the door and he looked up, he smiled his special smirk smile just for me and pulled me towards him. I giggle and wrap my arms around his waist. He nuzzles his noise on my shoulder and I kept help but moan a little. I see a teacher and I smile a bit. Angel looks at me and tilts his head. He grabs hold of my hand and we rush down the 100s hallway towards the bathroom in the center of the hall. He pushes me gently against the wall and I once again I wrap my hands around him.

I look up on the clock that is on the wall and pouted, I've been gone for five minutes already. Angel probably out for more. This time I tilt my head to the side and he gives me that grim smile 'who cares, lets just skip' I shake my head at him and move to the side still holding his hand. I move across the room and he holds my hand in his and slowly let go. I walk down the hallway and I feel him looking at me through the whole process. I walk into my math room 126 and close the door slowly. I write in the sign in sheet that I arrived safely to the classroom at nine twenty six. It probably looks like I took a crap or something. Oh well, I wasn't, I really wasn't.

TBC


	2. 7th Grade: Trimester One: September 1997

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

SUMMARY: Buffy's POV through out her whole middle school and high school life and how she survives going to a _very_ strict school, which who goes has tons of money. And the faults of just being a kid. And of course... some Angel.

RATING: PG- NC- 17 eventually

DEDICATION: To everyone at school, I love you guys.

DISCLAIMER: Character are all Joss Whedon's, the school is based on a real school but the name is different and so are the teachers.

AN: I cannot stress this enough how THIS IS NOT MY LIFE. The school name and teachers are not real. Though this is based on my school life, it is not _my_ life. Many of the stories that Buffy goes through are somewhat real, some might be mine and others are my friends. If you have an questions on it, feel free to email me, and I will happily answer any questions.

**Trimester One- 7th Grade (1997)**

You know how on the first day of school you are all excited and everything. You have a new outfit, nervous about seeing your friends again after a long summer break; well that was how I was. Nervous and all.

I had the perfect outfit, blue jeans, and a red long top with flowers on it, and on my hair I wore and headband. So that was what I was wearing for the first day of school, plus white flip flops. I got it all from Anthropology. Cool huh?

Oh by the way the school I got to is William B. Stern Day School. It's for really smart people. Well not really because all you have to do is sign the kid up in the Lower School. But once you got to the Upper School you have to be really smart if not they kick you out! At least that's what I hear. And that they are super mean. But the seniors are supposed to be nice to use. But everyone supposed to call us 'sevies' meaning, seventh grades because we are the new kids in the school. The young vulnerable ones.

Oh yeah, the Upper School starts at grade seven and goes till grade twelve, the whole school system is really messed up. So we really start Middle School in seventh grade. But everything is super expensive because not only is the tuition like sixteen thousand dollars but we have to pay for my entire books to. This alone cost like two hundred fifty dollars. Plus binders, pencils, and pens and all that stuff you need in school. Super expensive. Also I forgot to add are schools is really rich and if you're not rich your pretty much screwed. Good thing we're rich.

So I walk down the stairs to my house and my dad whistles and I glare at him. I hate when he does that. He makes such a big deal about things that I wear sometimes. My mom asks if I want breakfast and I sort of shake my head, who eats in the morning? I grab my bag and head out the door towards the garage where I climb into my Dads Volvo. See… rich and all.

Once my Dad gets into the car and my stupid sister Dawn he drives to the Lower School and as I watch her enter the huge building I can't help but have relief wash through me. I hated that place. Almost everyone thought I was pretty stupid. The guidance counselor there once told me if I thought the school was to hard then I should leave. My dad and mom got super mad about that.

But as my dad finally pulls into the lane of the carpool for the Upper School, I start to get nervous. What am I doing here? I'm not smart. I take a deep breath and look out the window, I see all these tall people and I can't help but wonder why again I have to be so short. I look at my dad and he gives me a smile, I grab hold of my blue Jagsport bag with a red comforter in it and I walk slowly to school. All these people look at me. I pull my ID around my neck with the blue strap they gave me and I can't help but feel a little nervous.

I think part of my anxiety is the fact that Lysette isn't going to the school anymore. See in sixth grade I had twelve best friends. Lysette was the main one. The leader you can call it. Though now that she left, I'm sort of scared to see what happens. Are we still going to be friends like we used to? All of us? All twelve us? I don't have any other friends then those people. I wasn't aloud to have anyone else. But now she left and she is going to Jules West now, because the school is too expensive for her parents to pay even if her Mom teaches here. So she has to go to Public School.

I cross the sidewalk once the guard tells me its okay. I see a huge yellow bus that just came from the Lower School and tons of older kids come out. They push past me and show there ID. Once I enter I see all the students showing there ID to the teacher so I take my ID and show the teacher and she nods with a smile on her face. I give her a grim smile. I can already till I'm a little late.

I walk inside and see a huge yellow banner welcoming everyone back to school. I walk more into the school and see on the left the hallway for my grade. The Sevie grade. I see everyone from my grade hugging and smiling at each other and I can't help but feel left out. I wish I had more friends then eleven and now the very best of my friend doesn't even go to the school anymore.

I find my locker. 586. There is no one next to me but then I hear the bell ring for the minutes before Homeroom and I curse a little. I can't be late on my first day. I try to open my locker, but in the Lower School we had to buy locks but here there attached to the locker and I can't even open them. I kept trying to pull it open but it wouldn't budge. I see a teacher in the hallway and give her a look. 'Please help me, I'm desperate' and she smiles and comes over.

"Hi, can I help you?" She asks nicely and I can't help but think she is really nice. Even though she has a big ass and huge hair.

"I can't open my locker," I whisper and then the five minute bell saying that you should be in your class already rings and I have to hold back tears. And then I remind myself that I shouldn't cry. I'm not aloud to cry in front of people. They'll just make fun of you.

"I'm Mrs. Vander Walde," the teacher tells me as she shows me how to open it. Turn left and press the number then turn right once and then turn it left again and wait for to stop and then pull. Once I get it I can't help but have a smile on my face. She asks for a piece of paper so she can write me a note on why I'm late for my first homeroom!

I try to find my homeroom class but I can't find it anywhere, I start to panic again and I look around me. I don't see that nice teacher anywhere but then I see down the hall my Guidance consular and I run towards her.

"Where is room 102?" I ask shyly.

She smiles at me and tells me to follow her and I follow her in the direction of what is called the 100s hallway. She points to the first room on the left that has a purple box saying class 102 and it's dedicated to some person. I open the door and once I enter everyone stare at me. I look down and look to see if I know anyone. There are a few people but I haven't talked to them in a year. The teacher who is obviously going to be the homeroom teacher smiles warmly at me and she smiles and points to a chair next to this really hot guy and finally there is someone hot in out grade.

"Everyone welcome to the 1997 school year, and I hope that everyone has had good year. My name is Mrs. Prigal and I'll be you're Homeroom teachers, these people," she said pointing to a girl in a blue jersey, a girl with bad eyebrows, a blonde, a fat girl and the really hot guy who I am sitting next to, "are my Homeroom helpers."

That is when it finally hits me that the hot guy next to me isn't in my grade but he is in an older grade. A high school grade. I look down a little and wonder do we have hot guys in the Upper School opposed to the Lower School? She once again points to the pretty girl in the blue dance jersey and I finally recognize her from Jennifer's dance team on MTC.

MTC is a dance place that I learn how to dance. I can say I'm fairly good. Not the best in the world but defiantly not the worst in the world. Then Mrs. Prigal talks about what will be happing in this class over the year and already I'm about to fall asleep but then she mentions my schedule and I'm up and running to find everything out. She calls my name and I get up and I take it and look it over.

For the first time I don't know any of the teachers and I don't know who is good and who sucks and who I should just stay away from. My first class is Structure Study Hall, I'm in special needs. Well not really, I just have ADHD. My mom says I'm special. I just think everyone in the class is stupid. Not really, it's just funny seeing the teachers squirm when we say that. They get so upset.

I look around the room and see people compare there schedule's and I feel… well I don't know what to feel, I just now that I hate that feeling that I have no friends in the class. I get up as the bell rings and scramble out of class. I run down the hallway toward where my locker is. I do that thing that Mrs. Vander Walde teaches me and I open my locker and I can't help but be happy that I opened it. I grab a pencil from the gel pencil case I had since I was in fifth grade. Everyone write on it. In Math last year with Mrs. Koblenz class, Cordelia used to draw on it all the time.

I look around and I finally see that I'm very lost. I walk down the closets hallway and see an older kid and he looks down at me and I look back down. I ask someone where the class is and he points down the hall and towards the left. I walk slowly and I really don't like the fact that all these people are looking at me.

I walk slowly into the room and see Kathy and Samantha sitting at a desk and for some reason I feel my insides twist. I look around and see a woman with gray hair and a woman with white hair and a mole on her cheek. I look around the desks and see they are white and long. Not like desks that you see in a normal school. These were attached. And two people in each. I sat on the edge of the second row and looked around again. I saw Penn sitting there. I smile a little and he gives me a smirk. I sink into my seat and see that Kathy and Samantha where whispering about something and then I see Kathy look back at me and I shrink some more.

Twelve best friends my ass.

The lady with the gray hair starts yelling and suddenly I don't feel so good.

I look around my next class and see that, Virginia, Percy's girlfriend was in it. So was Fred. I look across the room and see this new guy in it. He is sort of hot. I don't know, just I know his new. And he defiantly has to be the newest hot guy I have ever seen. I look around the room again and the teacher that is in the front is so short! She has glasses and looks really funny.

I'm sitting at the end of the room right next to the door. I see the teacher and I hope she won't be like the teacher in the other class who yelled and told us things that we weren't aloud to do. I look across the room and see the hot new guy looking at me and I wave a little. He seems so lost and I just can't help but feel a little bad for him. The school seems like a school that everyone gets lost in.

I hate science. I can already see that. The teacher is a bitch. And there is no one in my class. Expect Sunday. But I can't stand her. The only reason I'm even friends with her is because she was best friends with Lysette. But she always gave me problems in sixth grade. I walk to where I learn the cafeteria is and I remember how they told me to slide my ID card so I could get lunch. I slide and I push the handles to I can get through. The person behind me gets a ring. And when I hear it I jump as high as the ceiling. Well not really. But it is pretty high. It sounds like an alarm when someone steals something and they catch you.

I go into the one of three lines and wait. The older grade, the eighth graders are staring at us like we're Martians. I get to the front of the line, finally. And see that they have pizza and French fries. I order two pizzas and a lot of French fries. I take a cup and see that there is a salad bar and a place to get soda. I pour soda into my cup and grin. I love soda. Well not soda. I like Sprite. I grin to myself till I hear my name being called.

"BUFFY!" I turn and see Kathy yelling at me sitting with all the guys and my friends. I give her a fake smile and walk slowly towards the table she decided would be ours. The table at the front of the cafeteria. With chairs and not benches. I sit next to Sunday and smile at everyone. I look across the room and I feel my inside tearing when I see Willow and Xander laughing. They used to be my best friends. And now… I'm part of the "group". I laugh. I hate these people. Hate em'. No one knows what they did to me. I start eating my food being quiet as always. I see the new kid sitting at a table with the cool dorks and I smile a little at him. He gives me a little wave and I give him the warmest smile I can do.

Kathy rolls her eyes and I shrink back into my seat. Why did she have to ruin everything? Who did she think she was? Who said she could be the leader of the group? I sure as hell didn't. I made Kathy. I'm the only reason she was in the group. I was her only friend last year till she thought she could rule the world with Lysette. I eat quickly and for the first time in years I wish that I had class.

Math. I hate Math! It's so annoying. I hope it dies. I'm sitting here in the back. Looking at this messed up teacher who has red hair and seems really stupid. This is the last period of the day. Thank God, I felt like the whole time I was suffocating. I really can't wait till I get to leave this place. I hate it already. No friends, no nothing. Life sucks.

The bell finally rings and I get up quickly and run to my locker. I really want to get out of this place. I pack my bags up and I run swiftly towards the front of the school that will let me out. I look at all the cars and I don't see my Mom's jeep anywhere. I see seniors driving there cars home, kids holding hands, making out against cars. I see at the far end where all the trees are kids smoking and laughing. And I wonder will I be like that? I see the new kid and I smile at him again. He comes over and leans against the stone I'm on to. He gives me a weak smile and I shake my head. I know how he feels. I might have been going to this school since I was five. But today felt like a whole new world.

His ride comes and I see an older girl get inside and he runs towards the car. Right before he gets into the back seat of the old Volvo, he waves a little. I give him a smile again. I see Kathy and Percy get into there green Mini Van, Honda, oh and did I mention there twins. Percy waves and I smile. Kathy smirks and I try not to flick her off.

Thirty minutes later I'm still waiting for my Mom and when I finally see her jeep I'm trying hard not to explode. I go into the front seat and trying to keep my calm. Why was she so late on my first day of school? I lean against the window and hoping that we can get home faster.

When we finally get there I climb out of the car quickly and hurry to my room without saying a word to my Mom or Dawn. I lock my door and do the only think I know what to do when I'm upset. I walk into my private bathroom, kneel in front of the toilet and let the whole day come out.

TBC 

Thanks so everyone who reviewed! I already have six parts of it written which should be posted everyday, hopefully. Thanks again so much and I hope you guys liked this, I promise it gets a lot better, this is just the beggining. 


	3. 7th Grade: Trimester Two: December 1997

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV through out her whole middle school and high school life and how she survives going to a _very_ strict school, which who goes has tons of money. And the faults of just being a kid. And of course... some Angel.

RATING: PG for now, NC-17 later

DISCLAIMER: All Joss Whedon's. The school is based on a real school but all names fictional.

DEDICATION: To everyone at school, especially to my Xander and Willow, and to MY Angel.

FEEDBACK: Very much wanted!

AN: I have gotton many questions about this and I cannot stress this enough how THIS IS NOT MY LIFE. The school name and teachers are not real. Though this is based on my school life, it is not based on _my_ life. Many of the stories that Buffy goes through are mostly real stories. Many are mine but a lot are my friends as well, so don't think that one person went through all these things. If you have any questions on it, or anything in general on what she went through, feel free to email me, and I will happily answer any questions.

**7th Grade- Trimester Two- December- 1997**

Do you know how many things can change in a few months? Tons. So when Drusilla joined the 'Group' I totally had enough, I moved. I went up grabbed my tray from the line and instead of sitting in the long table near the door with the chairs I went and sat with Willow and Xander. It was scary at first. I mean I wasn't sure if they would be happy to talk to me or something. But they all greeted me with open arms. It's funny, how many things can change.

I'm failing science. Like really. I never failed anything before, but I don't really care. I'm getting a C in Math and again I don't really care. The only thing I'm doing any good in is English. With Miss Daum. I never really liked English before, I didn't like writing and reading, well I did, just not the things they made us read. But we read this Helen Keller book and now we are doing poetry and everyone can't stand it, but I sort of like it. Not like I'm going to say anything! I mean, and then they would think I'm some weird nerd that likes that sort of thing. And I do, like that sort of thing; I just want people to like me more.

It's December 15th. I love that date. I don't know why. It's my date that I imagine snow. Love, winter. It's weird huh. Maybe it's that Winter break is coming soon and that means Christmas and presents.

"Buffy," a high pitched squeal says at the lunch table and I look up and see Angel coming towards me, "You know you are the bestest friend, and the coolest. Cutestet, smaretests-"

"You want a French fry?" I ask holding one in my hand.

"See how well you know me?" he said taking it from my hand and sitting on the bench. Willow and Xander chuckle. They think we like each other. That's sort of sick. I mean its Angel. And yeah, he is sort of cute. And sort of new, so he doesn't now my past. But he doesn't like me. He likes hanging out with the cool kids. I hate those people. Especially Darla. She tries to get Angel do anything for her. He does, I think. And I get so jealous. I think I hate her.

I lean against his arms and start eating my French fries and so does he and we laugh about how Ms. Seltzer is so short, our Page to Screen teacher. Willow and Xander hide there grins but I known they want to say something. I mean I have known them for freakin' ever!

"Well I've got people to see and things to do, see ya later Buffy!" Angel said as he got up from were he was sitting at the table, which was next to me, and goes over towards another group and begs for French fries.

I shrug my shoulder a little when I see he is sitting next to Darla and Cordelia and talking to them. I try to shove away that feeling in me but it doesn't seem to go away. I look back at Xander and Willow and they both have there eyebrows rose. "What," I say, annoyed.

"Nothing," Willow said with a funny smile on her face. "Angel," Xander said at the same time.

I glare at him, "What about Angel?"

"You care two in love with him," he said with a huge smirk on his face.

"I don't," I hiss and turn away from them and see Amy staring at us, "What!"

"Nothing," she said raising her hands, "I didn't say anything."

"Yeah will you were," I say as I look around the blue and purple cafeteria. My gaze finds were Max is sitting and I bend my head down. Why every time I see him with a different girl I want to cry? Because you like him. My eyes widened a little and I look around the table scared someone heard my thought. I breathe a little knowing it was just a thought. A little demon in my head. It wasn't true, I try to convince myself. I grab hold on my blue assignment book that is now black because that was what I did when I had nothing to do in class. Used my black ink pen painted the whole thing black.

"Will I do would love to stay and chat but I have to go and finish something for History," I say as I stand up and grab my assignment book and my huge red book that I was required to buy.

"Well have fun," Willow said as I started walking way.

I turn back and smile, "Yeah, tons."

The sign out sheet, which is yellow, is sitting in the lap of, "Mrs. Kalter."

"Hi Buffy, where are you going?" she asks. This is what happens when you need to leave the lunch room and go somewhere. You have to go up to the teacher that is sitting at the desk and tell them were you are going to The library, the atrium, bathroom, meeting a teacher or going to detention.

"I have to go to the library," I say.

She smile, sort of worried at me, and I give her a smile as she rights my name down on where I am going. The only reason she is so worried is because I'm getting a D in her class. But I mean it is only French, what does it matter.

I walk slowly towards the library, which is at the corner of the school when you enter, and then suddenly change my direction. I walk slowly towards the 100 hallway to where the bathroom is. I don't feel like doing history really, ancient China, which let me tell you is piss boring.

I open the bathroom swingy door and I sigh in relief when no one is inside. See the thing about our school is that we have nine subjects. But so every subject can be an hour they make us have a block schedule. Which means that you only have six subjects a day. So you have an A day with periods one through six. B day which is seven through three. And a C days, which I hate, is periods four through nine. So now every class is an hour and a minute long. So with a half hour break, which is lunch, we learn from eight AM to three forty five PM.

But not everyone has lunch at the same time. Seventh and Eighth graders have lunch after the second class of the day, tenth and ninth have it after the third class of the day and the eleventh grade and the twelfth grade have it after the forth class. So all these classes are funny but right now I really hope no one from an older grade comes to the bathroom. I wish there was a lock on the bathroom door.

I look at the door and then at the mirror. I'm not exactly that pretty girl. My hair is ugly, black, and well my mom says its brown but its so dark and ugly I hate it. I wish I could get highlights. My mom said in high school I can get them, but that is so far away from now. But when I can, no one will recognize me. I'll be a blond, no one believes me but they'll see.

I look at the door again and then turn slowly back to the mirror and lift my shirt and stare at myself. I have the smallest boobs. I'm not even an A yet! And my stomach is fat and I look like a goddamn freak! I let my shirt drop when I hear the door open. A senior comes in and looks at me funny but I don't met there eye as I grab my books and rush out before I do something stupid.

I walk down the hall quickly and run right into someone. I look and see I ran right into Angel. I sigh and he looks at me funny, "You okay Buff?"

"Yeah," I say quickly.

"Really, looks like you were going to kill yourself there," he said jokingly. I stare at him and breathe, he doesn't know, so he can't mean anything. Right…

"Nah, of course not silly," I say as I give him a push, "I'm just upset over my Science grade; I'm getting a D-. Sort of sucks huh?"

"Defiantly agree with you," he says as we make are way back to the cafeteria. I lean my head against my shoulder. Everything will be okay; I mean I do have the rest of the year, right?

Thanks so everyone who reviewed! I really makes me so happy :)

Also, I have posted another part because I will not be here tomorrow.


	4. 7th Grade: Trimester Three: April 1998

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV through out her whole middle school and high school life and how she survives going to a _very_ strict school, which who goes has tons of money. And the faults of just being a kid. And of course... some Angel.

RATING: PG for now, NC-17 later

DISCLAIMER: All Joss Whedon's. The school is based on a real school but all names fictional.

DEDICATION: To everyone at school, especially to my Xander and Willow, and to MY Angel.

FEEDBACK: Very much wanted!

AN: I have gotton many questions about this and I cannot stress this enough how THIS IS NOT MY LIFE. The school name and teachers are not real. Though this is based on my school life, it is not based on _my_ life. Many of the stories that Buffy goes through are mostly real stories. Many are mine but a lot are my friends as well, so don't think that one person went through all these things. If you have any questions on it, or anything in general on what she went through, feel free to email me, and I will happily answer any questions.

**7th Grade- Trimester- April- 1998**

I think this is the longest year of my life, after first grade which, let me tell, took forever but the year, seventh grade year, isn't even over yet! APRIL! That's were I am in life. April of 1998. I still have two whole more months. Two whole months to get out of this hell. I sort of slap my head against the table and then I feel Xander and Willow staring at me weirdly. I thought they knew I was crazy. I mean they have now me since ever!

"You need something?" I snap.

"Someone is being prissy. PMS?" Xander asks.

I narrow my eyes at him. "That is none of your business."

"Are you okay, Buffy?" Willow asks gently.

"Well let's see, I'm getting like a C in Math, I'm failing Science, and History, I might add and uh I'm fat and ugly. No, I don't think I'm okay," I snarl at her. And I know she doesn't deserve it, but I just need to get away. Everyone is driving me crazy!

Willow's eyes go wide, "Buffy, you aren't fat! And you're differently not ugly!"

"Yeah, yeah… tell it to the preacher," I snap as I get up, from the white bench in the cafeteria.

"Where are you going?" she asks.

I shrug my shoulders and point outside, "I just need to think."

I walk slowly and open the white and glass doors that lead me outside of the cafeteria. I watch as some of the boys in our grade zip past me, a few going, "Hey Buffy."

I smile at them and for a moment I feel like I'm liked and people think I'm 'hot'. Whatever that means. It's sort of funny because you want people to notice and the more you try the more they notice but in the end no on does anything about it. It's like you shouldn't even try because everyone in this school knows who you are since you were like five. So if you've been here forever, like me and you aren't 'popular' now, doubt you'll ever be.

I actually have a funny story about being able to be popular. Cordelia, who is the most known girl in our grade. I thought she had no idea who I was, now she does but in third grade I thought she didn't even know who I was. See Darla, who had like no friends back then was upset because Cordelia wouldn't let her play with her and her friends. So she made a group and choose a few kids who could play with her and she choose me as one of them. But she didn't choose Darla but, being me of course, I stayed with Darla because I was such a good friend. When Cordelia finally let Darla play with her and her friends she totally bailed on me. Sometimes I think I gave up my only chance to be popular. A wrong decision in third grade… What a joke.

I open the gate that leads me to the fields. We have a lot. Four to be exact and one tennis court. But the one thing that are school doesn't have is a football field. It's to 'dangerous' for students to play. I roll my eyes at the thought. Don't they think that kids with more money than God can do a lot worse things?

Look at Aura's brother, he sells drugs. And Percy, he owns the goddamn school and every mall we go shopping too. Look at Drusilla, her mom is part of like the FBI or something. And then there's me. I'm not poor, defiantly up there in the rich kids. I have my fair amount of Abercrombie clothes and designer shirts but you know what I do have that the rich kids don't. Fatness and ugliness.

I look up and see Angel over there with Cordelia and Darla and I feel this squelchy feeling in me. I don't mean to love him. It sort of happened. And it's not like its soul mate love or anything; I just have a crush on my best friend. I want to slap myself. I'm such an idiot, it's not like he would notice me anyway. He likes girls like Darla and Cordelia, just because they are so damn popular. Cordelia isn't even that pretty and Darla is just an ugly blonde slut! Well she did make out with Drusilla at that one party, or was it Cordelia.

I look around and see Penn at the football field. I smile and wave a little and he smiles back. I and he are good friends. But his ex- girlfriend hates me, because he broke up with her because of me. I'm sorry that I feel proud of that fact, but she was a bitch to me and I'm glad he broke it off with her.

Spinning around I see Willow and Xander coming towards me and for some reason every time I see them I feel safe, like no one can hurt me. They smile at me and I smile back. Willow takes my hand and I lean my head against Xander's shoulder.

"So, how's life?" Xander says as we walk around the soccer field.

"I don't know, it pulls tricks on us," I whisper looking up at the blue sky.

We walk by Angel and he looks at me and for the first time I don't feel lower than him. I feel higher. I walk by him proudly with my best friends hands wrapped around me. He is never going to have friends as good as mine and if he wants to hang out with sluts than he can. I smirk at him and roll my eyes and maybe that was a little for show but then I turn my head back towards my friends and I smile. I don't think I smiled that huge in a long time.

TBC

Thanks so everyone who reviewed! I really makes me so happy :)

Also, I have posted another part because I will not be here tomorrow.


	5. 7th Grade: June, 1998

**TITLE: The Upper School**

**AUTHOR: Danielle**

**SUMMARY: AU Buffy's POV throughtout her middle school and high school life. Just dealing with everything that is around her. **

**RATING: PG for now, NC-17 later. **

**DISCLAIMER: All Joss Whedon's, but the school is based on a real school though all names are fictional (including teachers)**

**DEDICATION: To my Xander and Willow, but especially to MY Angel. **

**AN: I've gotten a lot of questions on this, and I want to clear it up. This is not my LIFE! Many of the things that Buffy go through are in deed things I went through, but a lot of them are things my friends did as well. If you have any questions on it, feel free to email me. **

**7th Grade- Trimester Four- June, 1998**

Today is the last day of school. Like I'm complaining. I'm sitting right now in my Mom's jeep as she drives me and Dawn home. I look out the window and look once more at the school that I go to and I'm thanking God right now that I don't have finals the next week and have to come back to this hell hole. The seventh grade is the only grade that doesn't have finals this year. See we used to have Science finals but I guess they decided to change it because it's the eighth grade that has the one final and that's science. And thank God I don't have a science final. I would so fail. I think I actually did get an F on my report card.

I lean back against the leather chair and breathe deeply. I remember watching Cordelia and Darla hugging and hoping to see each other next year. Watching Hogan, Percy and Ford all slapping each others backs and telling them how great it was to finally get the hell out. And what did I get? I get "I'll miss ya, Buffster," from Xander who I will probably see in fifteen minutes and a hug from Willow. How lame is my life?

But I guess Angel sort of made it better. I'm so over him though. At least I like to think that. It sort of put a smile on my face.

"_You're just going to leave without saying goodbye? Really Buffy, that hurts," Angel says as he saw me closing my locker and look slowly around for someone. _

_I smile at him and he helps me pick up some of the books that I have to drag home now that the school year is over. _

"_I just figured that you have to say goodbye to other people. You know like Darla and… Ford. I guess. I don't really know." _

_I know I'm trying to make him feel bad for me. But really he does pay no attention to me sometimes. I remember when my mom couldn't pick me up one day so I had to take the bus home and I'm waiting for the bus to come and pick me up when I hear Andrew and Jonathan talking about how Angel had asked Darla out. I swore I felt my heart break right there and then. I knew I liked him before I heard that but when I heard the words that he had asked Darla out and she had said yes, I knew then for sure that I liked him. It really broke my heart. Especially when he didn't tell me anything about it. _

_It felt better to know that she had dumped him the next day. "Don't make me feel bad, Buffy." _

"_I speak of truth, Angel," I snap back at him. _

_He looks down for a second before back at me. "So what are you going to do this summer?" _

"_Get as far away from America as I can possibly can. Or WBSDS." He looks down again and I sort of feel bad. _

"_Well not you, Angel. Just the work." _

_He looks up at me and smiles but I already know what I said was a lie. I need to get away from him. I need to go to England, the place were my father was born, and stay there as long as I can so I can get ready and come for another lifetime of school. In England I have friends and boys. Boys that are interested in me! Fat, brunette me! It makes me happier knowing that I am hot, just the boys at WBSDS are stupid. _

"_Well I'll miss you, Buffy Summers," he said as he walked me over to my Mom's jeep and handed me all the heavy books that I have to take home. _

_I open the handle to the green jeep and look at Angel and give him a small smile. "Me too."_

So yeah, it's not happily ever after but it's something… right? When my mom pulls into the driveway and I open my door and step out and smile seeing the house that I have grown in. I love this house. It has everything. Well, all my memories of hell that is. I run up the stairs and enter my room. I look around and look into the mirror that is standing up. I look into it, and hated what I saw. I was going to change this summer.

First the hair. Defiantly need to do something with the hair, with the bush of hair that I have. I feel like everywhere I go it's sticking out and in my way. I lay my hand on it and try to flatten it but it just sticks up more and I grumble. I take a bunch into my hand and look at the color. I need a new color, not this brown looking crap. I want blonde but my mom says that I'm way too young to get a full head of highlights. I say fuck it. I need it. But does she listen… NO.

I pull my shirt off and look at all the fat that comes out. I close my eyes and looking at this disgusts me. I don't understand how people like Darla and Cordelia have no problems with eating. I heard Harmony talking in the hallway once to Aura about how all Cordelia does is eat when she is over at her house and look at her, she is perfect. I grab hold of some of it and I swear that I'm not going to look like that anymore. Even if I have to kill myself with a diet and workout everyday but I'm not going to hurt myself. Not again.

_I looked down at the toilet and saw all the brown and green throw up all over it. I hated looking at it, knowing what I had just done to myself. I felt tears well up in my tears and forced them back… I couldn't cry again. Every time I had cried last year, in sixth grade I had only been made fun of. When I had felt down and all my friends were going against me all I did was cry. At least that's what they had said. _

_It had started like that, comments that had taken to seriously. When Lysette had said I was chubby I didn't really understand but when Kathy, who was fat, also called me that I was always so self conscious, always looking at the mirror seeing how fat I really was. I didn't know how my hand had came down my throat just the next thing I knew I was throwing up and it was so easy to do that it seemed to happen all the time. People had stopped calling me fat but it was funny because all it seemed to do was make me look over her shoulder all the time trying to see if people would look at me funny. I remembered the looks Amy and Willow had given me one day in English when I had come back from the bathroom. I looked down at the floor and that's when I had built the wall. A wall of no tears. _

_I flushed the toilet and leaned against the tiled floor and closed my eyes. I really couldn't do these anymore. I looked up at the cabinet and saw the stacks of medicine for period cramps and got up slowly and walked like a possessed women towards the mirror cabinet. I started to open the red bottle when I heard the phone ring, I close my eyes tightly and try to ignore it but it keeps ringing and I want to slam it against the door but I pick it up and raise it to my ear. _

"_What?" I snap into the phone. Can't they see I'm trying to commit suicide here? _

"_Jeez, you're in a bad mood," Angel says on the other line. _

_I feel like all the air is knocked out of me and I feel the tears well up in my eyes. "Angel, what do you want?" _

"_I just need the homework for Science," he grumbles. _

_I feel the walls start to fall and I grab hold of the counter so they won't. They can't. My knuckles turn white I'm holding them so tightly. The walls can't fall; I worked to hard building them for them to fall. "Angel… this really isn't the time." _

"_You know right now I'm glaring at my wall, just so you know. Make time for me Buffy Summers. I'm here stuck in your life, asking for homework, always." _

_And I collapse. It's not fair. I just start crying and sobbing on the phone and I hear Angel asking me what's wrong but all I do is start crying. I hear him hang up but all I do is walk slowly into my room and hold onto Mr. Gordo as I fall into my bed. I feel the walls start coming down, cracking like a leafs crack up in the winter. All crispy but my fall isn't crispy. It's messy with tears and snot. _

_I hear my door open and I look up as Angel comes over. "Hey." _

_I look up and I feel messy and I must look messy to. I put my head in my pillow and I feel him smooth the hairs on the back of my head. "Are you okay?" _

_I just sniffle into the pillow. "Well, if you're not going to answer I'm just going to have to stay here." _

_And he did stay, for the rest of the damn night while I cried. It was then that I knew that I was in love. With Angel O'Connor. I mean he just saved my life._

I close my eyes tightly at the unfriendly memory and the way I had treated Angel since then. Yeah, I might love him but that didn't mean we're meant for each other. I hear my mom call my name and I come down the stairs slowly.

I see my Dad, Dawn and my mom all sitting around the living room with a box in the middle.

"What's up?" I ask.

"We know it's the last day of school and we bought you something to congratulate you on surviving the first year of The Upper School," my mom said.

I look over at Dawn who is grumbling. She is in second grade, little Dawnie and she is just grumbling because I finished school today and she still has another week. I smirk at her and I take hold of the box. I know its cloths because the label reads Saks Fifth Avenue. It's sad really because I used to have tons of cloths. I had clothes from Abercrombie that everyone had wanted and what do I have now, old clothes.

I open the box and what do I see there… "Oh My God, Mom!"

I say as I hug her. My first Juicy Couture outfit. In Pink. I know this is the first sign of wanting designers but come on, how can you not be grateful and you know what, I don't care if that does make me a AP. (American Princess) I'm proud of it.

TBC 

Eighth grade is coming! Isn't everyone excited about that. Just a warning now, things are about to change… 


	6. 8th Grade: Trimester One: Septembe 1998

**TITLE: The Upper School**

**AUTHOR: Danielle**

**SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV on her life throughout middle school to high school and dealing with normal teen issues, sex, friends and of course, of beloved Angel. **

**RATING: PG for now, some cursing… **

**DISCLAIMER: All Joss Whedon's, expect the school is based on a real school, but all names are changed for privacy (inculding teachers) **

**DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and especially to MY Angel! **

**FEEDBACK: Would love some!**

**AN: After many questions, I will make this clear, this is not my life. Many things Buffy goes through are things I have went through, but many are also my friends. If you have any questions on this, feel free to email me. **

**8th Grade- Trimester One- September, 1998**

Eighth grade. I see it as, one more year until we are in high school. Five more years until I'm out of this hell! See I just came back from my vacay (you know the new cool word) from London. London, that's where my grandparents are, I love my grandparents. They're they best. Really. They buy me whatever I want. They even got me; get this, leather boots. I was so happy. And today, for the first day of Eighth grade I'm going to wear my new blue tight shirt, because I can wear it now. I lost 20 pounds. Go Buffy! I even got some light highlights. Yes, I'm still brunette but the blondeness is so getting there.

I got these cool jeans with little slits at the bottom. Totally awesome! And I'm wearing my new and improved boots, well not really improved but new. I bet no one in my school got cool boots… from London! Who's laughing now?

"Buffy!"

I groan and look one more time in the mirror. Eyeliner check. Lip gloss check. Bronzer Check. Mascara Check.

Okay… breathe, breathe, breathe and breathe. I slid my arm down my hair and smile in happiness. When I was in London, my grandmother took me to this hairdresser and he straightened my hair. As in permanently for a whole year!

I take hold of my new purple bag pack and walk slowly down the stairs until I see my parents and Dawn at the table.

My father looks up and whistles and even Dawn says I look good. I must really look good. And then once I sit in my dad's Volvo that's when the panic sits in. My heart is beating a million miles per hour. And I swear it's really beating through my chest… My new skinny chest! We drop Dawn off at the Lower School and I start to take deep (painful) breathes. My dad looks at me like I'm crazy and just maybe, I am.

Once we reach the Upper School and my dad pulls into the second lane, he stops the car once it reaches the sidewalk to cross into the school; I climb slowly out of my dad's car and take hold of my bag. I slowly pass the guard and this feeling is starting to build inside of me. But I know it's not panic. It's excitement… I'm excited to go to school?

I flash my ID to the black guy who is the new security guard. It's funny because I go to a private school and I don't really associate with other people. Everyone I know is white and Christian. I don't know any Spanish people if that's what you even call them, I don't know Islamic people or Arabic people or is it the same thing?

I shake my head and start turning to the left into the seventh grade hallway when it finally hits me… I'm not a sevie anymore. I'm an eighth grader. When it finally hits me it's like getting banged against the wall. Like a ton of bricks falling on your head… just it didn't hurt as much as that possibly does. I turn to the right and walk down the five steps. I slowly walk into the Eighth grade hallway. And I swear to god it went silent. Or maybe it's my own imagination… I hope not. I walk in with a confident smile. I look so much better than Darla and Cordelia.

No body is running up to me and saying how much they missed me but I don't really care. I didn't really stay in touch with anyone during the summer. Not even Willow and Xander. Not even Angel. Not that I would talk to Angel over summer. Cause I don't like him. My locker number is 415. My code… I look at the pink sheet they had sent to me during the summer. 30-33-31. Wow that's a hard code to remember. I lay my bag on the floor and start spinning the small black dial to the correct numbers. I feel someone staring at my back and turn around and there standing across from me is Percy, Penn, Hogan, Groo and Ford… checking my ass out!

I smirk at them and turn back around to my locker and put all my books in them. I start putting the pictures of 7th Heaven and ER on my locker. There is going to be a new show the WB. Someone's creek. Sounds cool… and of course I'll check it out. Like I have something better to do.

My homeroom is in room 204 and I hope this year I'm going to have friends in my homeroom just like I had last year. I turn around and the guys are still staring at me. I want to stick my tong out at all those people that told me I was ugly. See… I'm not. I laugh in my head and look for Willow or Xander or someone. But I don't see anyone. All I see is this girl in tight blue jeans leaning against the locker at the way end of the hall. The fact that I see her is amazing. And here was me thinking I needed glasses.

I see another new kid and he has brown hair and is leaning just like the other kid against the locker. There leaning together and maybe they know each other. I shrug my shoulders and look way but the five minute bell rings and I start walking out of the eighth grade hallway and towards the homeroom.

I smile inwardly… meet the new and improved Buffy Summers. The hot one.

I walk into the homeroom and site myself in the back. I see Sunday at the other side and I don't even say hi to her. Or pay attention to her presence. I see some people walk in. Dorks like Jonathan and Andrew. Freaks like Warren and Fred. Amy and Jesse walk in and I smile at them as they sit down. I see Percy walk in and sit in the front. I watch as Larry sits near him. I see the new kids walk and how they site near Sunday but just like me don't even look at her. And then my heart stops dead in my tracks. Darla, Drusilla and Cordelia all walk into the homeroom. Great…

Darla looks me up and down and then looks at Cordelia and then the impossible happens. "Hey Buffy."

I try to act all cool and everything but inside I was thinking… OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE IS TALKING TO ME! "Hey Darla."

"Why don't you come and sit with us?" She says and the moves forward towards where Percy and Larry where sitting. I site frozen in my seat and look at Amy and Jesse who are looking at me with a funny look on their face.

"What?" I ask them but all they do is shrug and look at me expectantly. Like I know what to do!

Darla looks at me with her perfect eyebrows rose, "Are you coming?"

I look at Amy and Jesse and they shrug at me again and I slowly get up from the chair that I am sitting in and walk towards where the people who I had cursed at all summer. Once I sit down in one the blue chairs I look back at Amy and she has disappointment in her eyes. I look away and then see the face of the new kids. They are looking at me funny and I smile weakly at them. They look at me and then they look at each other and smile at me. My eyes widen and I hear them chuckle and then I look back at the popular kids.

"…freaks. Just look at what they are wearing. Don't they have any respect for school policy," Darla was saying.

I wanted to tell her 'don't you' but all I did was laugh. And then I guess even for everyone deep down all anyone wants to be is popular even if it means… I look out the door which is still open and I see Willow and Xander pass and look at me confused. I shrug my shoulders at them and I turned my head to hear what Percy had to say about Jonathan and then when I turned back to the door I see Angel walk and my eyes widen. Angel…

He smiles at Jonathan and Andrew and slaps them high five and then walks towards us. Us? He sits himself between Percy and Drusilla. I forgot that Angel was so popular.

"Hey Buffy," he says. I smile at him and then I see Darla look at me funny. They start talking about something and I look at me nails. Cordelia looks at me and to give her the benefit of the doubt she was always nice to me.

"Did you hear about the new show on WB?" she asks me.

I nod my head and smile. "Yeah. It sounds really good."

"That guy looks really hot, don't you think?" she says as she crosses her legs.

"But the girl in the commercial doesn't look that pretty," I respond.

"I know… both the blonde and the brunette."

"Buffy," Darla snaps and I turn my head towards her.

"Yeah."

"Don't you think Willow and Xander are the biggest geeks ever?" she says smiling at me slyly.

I probably looked like a deer caught in headlights. I see Angel look at me with his eyebrows scrunched and then everyone around me waiting for my answer. "Yeah, huge geeks."

Angel looks at me with a disappointed look and I just looked away. How could I have just said that! The best thing that ever happened to me… expect maybe my weight lost and my new hair and clothes and… Everyone gives up the only thing they have to be popular. I feel tears well up in my eyes and excuse myself to the bathroom.

I wipe my eyes with a napkin I found in my pocket and look in the mirror at the new and improved Buffy. What a joke. The door opens and the new girl walks in and smiles at me. "Hi, I'm Faith."

"Buffy."

THREE WEEKS LATER

I walk down the main school hallway in my new Seven jeans and my Michael Stars shirt and my Juicy jacket that I had bought with Darla when we went shopping last weekend.

"Hey Buffy," someone shouts in the hall.

"Hey Buffy," someone else shouts.

I walk down the hallway with my head held high when I hear a small sound behind me, "Hey Buffy."

I turn my head and see Willow behind me. "Hi."

I smile tightly at her and we walk down the hallway. "So what's up?"

I look over at her and shrug. "The sky."

"Buffy!" I turn around and see Drusilla walking towards me and I look at Willow.

"I guess I'll talk to you later." And I walk off.

TBC 

**Thanks so much to everyone who gave me feedback! I'm trying to respond to everyone but just lately I have been super busy, but thanks! Oh, but to newmin, yours sort of confused me, because it is based on a private school here in America… if that answers your question, email me and let me know. **


	7. 8th Grade: Trimester Two: December 1998

**TITLE: The Upper School**

**AUTHOR: Danielle**

**SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things like, friends and Angel. **

**RATING: This part can be a light R…**

**DISCLAIMER: All characters are Joss Whedon's. The school and teachers are all based on real people. School name and teacher names are changed for privacy reasons. **

**DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel.**

**AN: After many question, I need to clear this up… This is not my life. If you have any questions on it, feel free to email me. **

**AN: Also, many questions on this. I know it says trimesters, and I know a lot of schools don't follow trimesters, but this is a private school, not a public school and it has it's own system. There is three trimesters, you guys are right, but June isn't made to be seen as a Trimester, but it is added as one for the benefit of the story and also for how my school follows through thing. If you are still confused email me. **

**8th Grade- Trimester Two- December, 1998**  
**WARNING**: Slight B/F, marked with a **star**

My jeans were just a bit tight on me, and my shirt was just a bit high, but I looked good, and that's what matters. I sat down in History, really Civics because we were learning no History whatsoever. Just government stuff, but some reason they still called it History. Weird really…

I sit in the back and wait for my friends to come. My heart sinks a little and I can't explain why, I'm popular now, and that is what essential, right? I scratch my head and suddenly the seat next to me fills up and I look up and see Cordelia picking up her notebook and opening her book. Darla and Eve sitting in front of us.

They turned around and started to talk about something that happened on Dawson's Creek and I nod, laugh, and sigh at the right moments but for some reason, I just wasn't there. The teacher came in and Darla and Eve turned around in their seats and pulled out their laptops. I roll my eyes every time I see them. Darla couldn't help but show off she was rich. I look over at Cordelia and she looks over at me, and we snickered lightly at each other. We both are rich but we didn't show it off purposely.

I start dozing off in class, like always, when I see a red head walking out of another class and all I can think at that moment is Willow. I shut my eyes quickly but it was there, that little ache in my heart. I remember how last Friday, Darla's mom was driving us to their home to get ready for some kind of party when we passed the sidewalk and I saw Xander and Willow got off the Ride On and start walking towards the mall. It felt like my heart was going to break. It did. I wasn't part of that group anymore, and it was all my fault, I did it to myself.

Cordelia pocked me and I shot her a glare when she motioned to the front of the room. I snapped up to the front of the room and Mrs. Laurence was waiting for my answer. Shit… I look over at Cordelia in sheer desperation and she shrugs her shoulders at me. At least someone else was dozing off too.

I hear Darla and Eve snicker and I glare at them from behind. I take a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear the question, Mrs. Laurence."

Mrs. Laurence looks up at the ceiling and then gives me a sort of glare look. "Miss Summers can you explain what a Local court is?"

What the hell is a local court? My heart starts to beat and I think my hands are sweating. Shit, shit, shit, shit… I'm so screwed. "It's uh… a court," I say slowly and I hear a chuckle go around the classroom.

"Yes, Miss Summers. It is a court," the teacher says exasperated. "Care to explain further?"

"It's local, like in the county. And uh, uh umm Oh! Were the first cases are held. Like were the first ones start out and then once a decision is made in other courts, not the local courts, you can appeal and uh everything." See stupid teacher, I'm not that much of an idiot. Nah-nah-nah boo-boo.

"Thank you Miss Summers for that explanation, now would anyone like to explain that again with a lot less ums and likes?" the teacher said, this time glaring.

I scowl at her and look at Cordelia who is just rolling her eyes at the stupid history teacher. Bitch, she mouths at me, and I nod my head furiously in agreement.

When the class was finally over, and I walked out of the room to the hallway, it felt nice when people started looking at me, and not for bad reasons. Well, not just me, but us, Cordelia, and Darla, and Eve but still… it felt nice. I was one with the in crowd. It was a different feeling. It was like people would just move out of their for us and stare, like we are something special. And we are. I am.

It's nice, when juniors like Wesley Price check you out. It was a pride thing. I was never the pretty, I was always in-between, pretty and cute, but never gorgeous and hot. Now I was asked out more times this year then all my years together. It was different, and just amazing.

"Earth to Buffy Summers, were are you?" Darla said as she snapped her fingers in my face.

I blink at her and then sort of shake my head. "Yes Darla?"

"Are you coming?" she said raising her eyebrows as we reached my locker.

"Uh… where?"

"To Dru's? You know her party?" She says raising her eyebrows expectantly.

"Oh yeah. I'm coming. Probably, I mean it is tonight, right?" As I twist my lock to open.

"Yes, were have you been?" Darla said as she looked at her nails. "Anyways, do you need a ride again? Cause I don't think my mother-"

"I don't. I'm going with Spike and Faith," I say as I get my books for the next class.

"I don't understand how you can stand to be around that girl. I mean she is just so… She dresses like a slut, Buffy."

"Darla," I sigh at her.

"Anyways, Spike is cool. He and Dru seem to be getting closer, you think we have a matching?"

I scrunch my nose like I was trying to remember something and then take my Math folder. I look over at Darla as I close my locker. "I think he is into Faith," I say nonchalant.

"God, who would be into that freak," she says as we walk to her locker. I just roll my eyes.

"Jeez, Buff, make your mind up already," Faith said as she lay on her back on my bed.

"It's not easy. I have to look perfect!" I say, as I threw yet another pair of jeans into the pile of jeans that would just not fit to be worn for the party tonight.

"Whatever," Faith said as she rolls her eyes.

The door suddenly opens and Spike comes into the room, "How are my girls?"

"Spike!" I yell horrified, standing in the middle of the room with only my shirt and thong on. "Get the hell out of

here!"

Faith laughed as Spike went quickly out of the room and I turned quickly and glared at her. "That so wasn't funny!"

Faith shook her head. "It was, just a little bit." She replies as she starts sniggering. I just glare at her.

We all climbed up slowly towards Drusilla's giant house. The stone stairs lead us to double doors were two huge guards stood. Walkie-talkie and everything. When we finally got through Spike turned to us and said, "She told me her mom works for the FBI or something. Cool, huh?"

"Whatever," Faith replies as we pounded down to the basement were we could hear the music blaring. I looked over at both my friends before we walked in.

"Buffy!" Darla said as she started to walk towards me. I smile tightly at her as she pulls me towards were she is hanging out. I look back at Spike and Faith, but Spike was being dragged away by Drusilla and Faith was left to herself.

I bit my lip before turning back towards Darla and all my other friends. Darla and Cordelia started talking about some hot seniors. Getting bored quickly, I scanned the room to see who was there. Percy, Larry, Graham and Hogan were all laughing at something, sitting on the couches. Penn, James, Spike and Dru were leaning against the bar Dru had in the basement, drinking something out of a red cup. Nina, Kathy and Sam watched as Riley and Forest were having a knuckle fights.

"Is Angel coming?" I ask, as I look around again. He had to be invited, Angel, was Angel. Everyone new Angel.

"He is behind you, you idiot," Darla said rolling her eyes.

I turn slowly around and I feel a huge smile grace my face. "Angel!"

"Hey," he smiles.

We leave the group and start walking towards the deserted part of the basement and sat on the couches, which were white leather. The coffee table in front was full of candies that Angel was already devouring.

"Watcha ya doing this weekend?" he asked as he opened another Milky Way.

"I don't know, Dad said he might take me to a movie. Why? Want to do something?" I ask, as I allow myself to take a Kit-Kat.

"Sure, that new Bruis Willis movie is coming out, wanna see it?"

"No! Nothing with dying. How about that movie with Carmen Diaz?"

"Okay," he said. "Anything with her in it."

I chuckled. "I heard she was nude or something. Or just wiggling her butt a lot."

"Probably," he said as he shoved more candy in his mouth.

I look around the room when I see someone start to come down the stairs. I nudge Angel to look over and he rolls his eyes. "He is a freak."

"Angel!" I whisper, but grinning foolishly at the comment anyways.

"He was like depressed at his old school or something. He cut himself," Angel explained.

I make a face of disgust and sort of scrunch my shoulders up. Depressed he might be, but he still held a lot of interest to everyone. No one really knew him. Everyone in the party, though, was looking at him. He was pale, and simply gorgeous. Dark brown hair, and eyes like a dark ocean; no one could deny that he was attractive.

Ford. That's what people called him. He came from another school, but rumors were already flying about who he was and what had happened. I take Angel hands in mine and ignore him when he holds on tighter then he should when he sees were we are heading.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" He says as he follows me to the direction of Ford.

"Lets just go say hi," I say.

"What? No!"

But we were already there. "Hey Ford."

He looks me over, up and down and I feel Angel squeeze my hand tighter. Oww, and it hurt. "Hey."

Angel sort of nods his head before letting go of my hand and whispers in my ear that he is going to hang out with

Percy and those people. I shrug my shoulders and smile at Ford. "Two is merrier."

He rolls his eyes a bit and then looks down. "So… I didn't now you were invited. You friends with Dru or something?"

He looks at me and his stare is so intense I start to feel uncomfortable. "We used to go to the same school."

"Oh," I whisper.

"Yeah," he says. The silence starts to elapse and my head starts to pound.

"Everyone circle!" Darla yells. My savor.

Me and Ford start walking towards were Darla is and were everyone was forming a circle. I sit next to Angel and Cordelia and can't help but thinking we are in third grade about to play a game of Truth and Dare. But I never played Truth and Dare with boys before.

"Seven Minutes in Heaven," Darla says, as if she reads my thoughts. She holds up a bottle and my heart starts to beat. Yes, I have become one of the most popular girls in our school. Yes, I went on my dates. No, I haven't kissed a boy yet.

"Darla, that is so childish," Cordelia says, rolling her eyes.

"Childish yes, but are we in fifth grade? No, in eighth. And if you refuse to do it, then there will be a truth. And you have to answer it," Darla said spinning the bottle in her arms.

People gulp. Darla might be in eighth grade but when she talks like that, you know she means it. My breath starts to grow deeper and I think I might choke, on what, I don't know yet. I start to chew at my lip and then look at everyone around me. No one seems so freaked out. Relaxed. Has everyone else kissed someone already? Willow hasn't kissed anyone! Neither has Xander.

And that is when it sort of dawns on me, we aren't together anymore. We are totally in different groups. Me in this group with people who don't mind playing seven minutes in heaven and them in the innocent group, who would never play seven minutes in heaven. I shut my eyes tightly.

This couldn't happen. I don't want my first kiss to be in a freaking closet with some random guy. I want to have a date, and dinner. Possibly a movie. And then we are on the doorstop and Angel kiss-

My brain freezes and thinks one thing: Angel. Now I really am hyperventilating. Oh no, not Angel. Can't be Angel. I don't like Angel. He is one of those non-boyfriend friends. He is my friend! But he is sort of cute, high voice and all. And he is always there for me. But he is ANGEL!

I see the bottle spinning and feel choked up. It lands on me. My eyes grow wide and I look at Angel frantically. He

sort of shrugs his arms at me and I want to slap him. He should do something! My hearts starts beating wildly and I can't calm myself down.

Darla smiles slyly at me when she spins the bottle again and I watch as it moves slowly around the circle. The blue haze of the bottle starts to creep slowly before it lands on… I look up and see Fords dark blue eyes piercing at me. No…

"What's uh my dare?" I whisper.

Darla looks at me and smirks. "If you could choose anyone here to go in the room with you, who would it be?"

I shut me eyes and look back at Angel. I can't tell everyone I like Angel! But I don't like him! I slowly climb up and stand and people start jeering. This so wasn't happing. This couldn't happen. I'm only thirteen!

**stars**

Me and Ford slowly walk into the bathroom and watch as the door closes in our face. My heart starts beating wildly and it won't stop. Ford closes the light and starts coming towards me. He stands in front of me, to close to me. Angel. Angel. Angel. Angel. My eyes shut tight and I feel his lips against mine. It's funny and weird and disturbing. I try not to scrunch up but I start kissing back best I know, and I feel his tongue pushing my teeth and I'm about to tell him the tongue is in the way when he starts sticking it down my mouth. French kissing. I start to do it back to him, and I feel his hands reach across my back and pull at my shirt. He stops kissing me and I feel his hands climb my back under my white Michael Star shirt and pull at my black Victoria Secret bra. He pulls my shirt up and he looks at my breast for a second before cupping them both in his pale hands. He starts rubbing his hands around them and all I feel is myself want to barf.

I don't feel any pleasure at all. All I feel is sickness. He unzips his pants and that's when I see it. Bumpy, vainly and ugly. I look up at him in horror. It's hairy too. He brings my hands to it and he starts making me rub it up and down. I sort of get the feel of it when I feel it grow into a straight line. I look down at for a second and see something yellow at the tip of it. I look up to see him look at me eagerly. He kisses me again and this time I'm more relaxed. When he starts to reach further down my pants I pull away. Hiding myself from him. My heart is pounding and tears are burning to come out of my eyes but all I can see is Ford with his smirk. And Darla with her smirk. He zips his pants up and helps me strap my bra back on and then he pulls me into his arms. Like he cares or something.

He pulls my chin up and kisses me. I kiss him back and feel his hand tangle in my hair. He cups my breast through my shirt. And I shut my eyes tightly. He looks at me when he pulls away and I feel my throat tighten up. He lets go and I move away from him and all we do is gaze at each other.

The door to the bathroom flings open and Darla is their, bottle once again in her hands, her eyebrows raised. She smirks when she sees our flushed appearances and leads us back to the circle. This time I sit next to Faith, who looks at me weirdly before looking away. I pull my knees to my chest and look up to see Angel staring at me. His dark eyes broken.

**stars**

Tears start to well in my eyes, and I can't make any thought clear in my head. All I can see is Ford touching me. Me touching him. Everything is blurred and muddy and all I see is him, touching me. But I know one thing. One thing is clear in my muddled mine.

"I'm going to the kitchen for a second," I say. I get up and I see everyone's eyes on me. I climb the stares slowly and see Dru's parents talking in the kitchen.

"Hi," I say quietly. "Can I borrow your phone?"

"Sure, honey," her mom says handing me the portable phone.

I smile at them gratefully and start dialing the number I know by heart.

The phone picks up and I hear Mrs. Rosenberg's voice echo into the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, it's Buffy. Can I talk to Willow?"

I here her call Willow's name to tell her to pick up the phone and I hear her giggling as she says hello. Xander must be there to.

"Wi-Willow?" I say, trying hard not to sob.

Her giggling stops and I hear her take a sharp breath. "Buffy?"

"Willow, can you come pick me up?" I whispered.

"Buffy, what's wrong? Where are you?" she says frantically into the phone.

"At Drusilla's house. Can you just come? Please?" I cry silently.

"Of course but-" I hang up before she can ask me any questions. I can't handle anything right now.

I hand Dru's phone back to her parents and climb back down the stairs. "My mom is making me go home early. Parents…" I say.

"I thought you are sleeping over?" Faith said.

"My mom said we have this thing tomorrow. I hate how they just change their decisions like that."

I grab my stuff and go quickly up the stairs. I go outside and feel the cool rush go to my cheeks. Tears start streaming down my cheeks. I feel the door open behind me I turn quickly around and come face to face with my worst nightmare.

"What's going on, Buffy?" Angel says coming towards me.

I move away. "Nothing."

"What happened?"

I glare at him. "None of your business."

"It is my business. You're my best friend."

My heart jumps and I try to smile but more tears just come down. I come closer to him and hug him. But he doesn't hug me back. "That means a lot. But really, nothing." He slowly brings his hands around my waist and hugs me tight.

He looks done at me, and he knows that something did happen. But he doesn't say anything. I pull away when I hear a car come and I look up into his eyes. He lets go and I walk slowly towards the car and I look at him once more before turning my gaze to the car.

I come up into the car and I see Willow's dad in his pajamas and Willow and Xander in the backseat. The tears start to rush up into my eyes and I remember Ford rubbing himself against me and the sticky feel of his penis. Willow rushes out and I feel my face crumple.

"Buffy what's wrong?" she whispers.

All I do is cry as she pulls me into the car and holds me. We get to her house and I silently go up the familiar yet no so unknown stairs. Her mom left another sleeping bag but Willow brought me to her bed. I lay there and I here Xander and Willow but all I see and hear are visions. Visions, of me and Ford.

"Buffy?"

I look over at them and they come over. Willow sits next to Xander stands close to the bed but stands far enough to show he doesn't trust me. My heart clenches and I feel another sob take over me. "I'm sorry."

"Buffy," Willow said ignoring my apology. "What happened?"

But I stay silent. Willow starts to move her hand up and down my hair but I flinch, remembering Ford. His hands in my hair. His hands smoothing my hair. His hands on my breast. His tongue in my mouth. I shiver. I look up at Willow and I get up but she lays my down again.

She smoothes my hair until I fall into a troubled sleep. My dreams are filled with Ford touching me and looking at me with his slimy eyes, but when I his hands start to touch me again, it's Angel. His hands softly touching my breast. His hands stroking my hair. But when I look up again it's Ford.

When Willow and Xander woke up, I was gone.

TBC


	8. 8th Grade: Trimester Three: March 1999

**TITLE: The Upper School**

**AUTHOR: Danielle**

**EMAIL: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel. **

**DISCLAIMER: All the charchters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy. **

**RATING: PG… There is some, will, this chapter, a lot of cursing. Also, if I have offended anyone with comments in this chapter, I want to clear it up now, that it is for the story and not what I really feel.**

**DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel. **

**FEEDBACK: Would love some!**

**AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16.**

**8th Grade- Trimester Three- March, 1999**

I rolled my eyes at me teacher, who was insisting that I buy a binder for his class, but why should I, there is only like three months of school left! Teachers. I look to my left and I see Cordelia cracking up and watching her crack up makes me want to crack up to. So, I start to crack up. Not the best thing.

"What is so amusing, Buffy?" The stupid teacher asks me.

Just looking at his face makes me crack up more. I mean he is so large and funny looking! "Buffy, go to the Discipline Office!"

"What!" I yell at him in shock. I mean I know laughing isn't the best thing to do to a teacher, but the Discipline Office! So not fair.

"Please, take your books and go ahead. I trust you know were it is?"

"But, that is not fair! I didn't do anything! I just laughed!" I yell at him but he sort of smirks at me in that way that teachers do when they shouldn't be doing something but do it anyways. I scowl at him and all I feel like doing is taking my freakin' book and throwing it at him.

"Do you want to add a detention to that?"

I glare at him as I pick up my books and start to head out. Once my back is to the door, I make sure the door slams before heading to the stupid _Discipline Office!_ Yes, there is such an office. Because there were, so many people being sent to different people of authority last year they decided to make an office just for being in trouble. Brilliant really. Last time I was there, which was two days ago, they made me write repeatedly that I will not talk during class again. My bloody brilliant school, I solute them.

As I walk towards the office, I pass a bunch of people but when I look ahead in the distance, I see someone I really don't want to see. He notices me, and starts to comes towards me and I try to look for an escape route but I just can't find one. My heart starts to hammer against my chest and I feel like I'm walking towards a chamber full of everything I didn't like. I really didn't want to talk to him right now. But I did.

"Hey," I say, putting a fake smile on my face.

"Watsup?" he says coming way inside _my_ comfort zone.

I take a step back and look into Ford's eyes, there is something deep in them that sort of draws me to him, but something so chilling that pulls me away. After that night, were I had hooked up for the first time, we started to spend a lot of time together. I remember coming to his house, soon after that, and we would be able to talk for hours.

Still, as much time I spent with him, I wasn't even sure if I liked him. But I couldn't stay away from him. I was drawn to him. He was different from everyone else. He wasn't afraid to be different, and listen to loud music and wear nail polish. He didn't care.

"Nothing, I just got to sent to the discipline office. You?" I say.

"I hate Spanish," he says plainly and I laugh at his response at a lack of what to say.

Whenever Ford would say something like that, I was never sure if he was serious or not. His gaze always stayed the same way. He never changed and that is what scares me about him. He would say something like 'That girl, I hate her, I wish she would die' and I wouldn't be sure if he was serious or not. He told me once that he wanted to have sex, and he didn't care with who. He just wanted to. That sort of freaked me out because we were just hooking up a few minutes ago.

We weren't boyfriend/girlfriend but we weren't friends either and that was clear to everyone. The first time I gave him a blowjob, it was the weirdest thing that ever happened to me. And disgusting. I felt like I was sticking my toothbrush deep in my throat, the only difference now was that it was thicker. When he came, it splashed all over my stomach and his shirt that it was pretty embarrassing. Since then we learned to make sure it didn't happen again. His mom keeps asking what happened to that shirt.

"Well, I better go, before you know, the teacher comes looking for me," I say as I move away from him.

"Want to hang out Friday?" he says, his eyes giving the true intentions of his words. _Want to hook up Friday?_

"I can't. Me and Angel are going to see a movie, maybe Sunday or something," I say, trying to ignore the look of hate that crosses his face when I mention Angel's name.

Him and Angel totally hate each other. Angel doesn't care that we got close, all he sees is the boy that uses me. I keep telling him he doesn't use me but he never listens. It's the one thing me and Angel don't get along about. He hates when I mention Ford and he hates when I tell him that I was with him. He gets this look in his eyes.

Sometimes I think it's jealousy and other times I truly think Angel hates him. But the difference between him and Ford, and I like this, is that Angel never has this dangerous look that Ford has.

Ford told me once how he used to cut himself at his old school. I told him I didn't believe him, and he pulled up his long shirt and showed me. I remember tracing them and how he looked up into my eyes and he pulled me close to him and kissed me. It was then that I understood that he was closer to me than anyone else. It sort of broke my heart that he didn't have any friends. Not that I had so many close friends either.

"Sunday then," Ford says and gives me his smile, that I only get.

On Friday me and Angel went to go see the movie when we decided to ditch it and go get ice cream instead. We sit at the table, and he keeps looking at me funny, and now I can't handle it anymore. What is he looking at!

"Do I have something on my face?" I question, smiling at him happily.

"Nope, I was just thinking about things," he replies as he takes a lick of his ice cream on his cone.

"Like what? And you have to share because we are best friends," I say as I take his cone and hand him mine.

"Hey!" he replies but starts eating mine anyways.

"Well, what were you thinking?"

"About how things have changed and then not," he said.

I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. "Huh?"

"Well you know, you being friends with Darla and everything. But then your still same old Buffy."

"I hope that is a good thing," I say looking at him with happy curiosity.

"Old Buffy is a good Buffy."

I decide I don't even want to now his thoughts on the new Buffy and decide not to mention it. I take his hand in mine and I can't help but feel those feelings. Like the electricity, like I want to flinch but I don't. It stings but it feels good. He twines my finger through his and I smile at him. We do this sometime, hold hands. It's nice.

It's late when I finally get home and I hear the yelling in the house already and I flinch. My parents yell all the time at each other lately. I hear a bang and then a shatter and I know my dad just threw something at the wall. I hear my mom screech at him and I quickly climb the stairs. I close my door shut and stair at my wall with pictures of NYSYC and Backstreet Boys on my wall. I lay quietly on my bed and try to pretend not to hear the yelling downstairs.

I hear my mom climb the stairs and I know she is going to come into my room and fight with me. She does this when her and dad fight. Every time they fight she looks to fight some more with whoever is around and she usually chooses me just because we never agree on anything.

The door opens and she walks into my room, her face angry. "Buffy, why did you come home so late?"

"I was out with Angel, remember?"

"Are you telling me I don't remember things?" she says glaring at me and I don't understand how parents can change one subject to another so quickly.

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I am talking! Now stop changing the subject and answer the question!" Mom yells.

I have no idea what she is talking about. "What question?" I say raising my eyes in expectation.

Mom looks at me and for some reason she seems to get madded. Shit. "Buffy, stop pretending that you know everything! I'm sick of it! You don't know anything. You are to young to know as much as I know."

I looked at my mom in shock. Weren't we talking about how I was coming home late? "Mom, I never said that I knew anything!" God what the hell is her problem! She gets so PMSey sometimes. I roll me eyes and I shrink when I see mom see that.

"Don't roll you eyes at me, young lady. Who do you think you are, acting like this is nothing. I need you to lose the attitude!"

Now I'm pissed. I wasn't even doing anything! "What was I doing? I was sitting here and you come and here and start yelling at me! I didn't do anything! "

"Don't yell at me!" Mom said as she started walking towards the door.

"Mom, I wasn't yelling," I say frustrated. What does she want from me! I don't understand!

"Yes you were. Buffy Summers you stay here and you don't leave this room."

"What! That is so not fair!" And now I scream. I swear, my mom is going through menopause or something.

"When you act like this anything is fair."

"Mom, your are so overreacting!"

"No computer," my mom said as she opened the door and started out.

"Mom, this is so not fair! What is going on with you!"

"This is fair when you act like this, keep going like this you aren't going to have any computer for the week," the evil bitch from hell said.

I glare at her as she leaves my room and I want to just yell after her how much I hate her, how much I love Dad more than her. I go over to my bed, yell into my pillow, and try to calm down. I hate her so much, damnit I hate her more than anything.

I just want to call someone to complain, anyone but I can't think of anyone I want to call. I pick my cell phone up and dial Cordelia's number.

"Hey," she says happily.

"Hey," I say, best I can, but I just seem to feel a sob come into my throat as I hear Mom and Dad start to argue, about me, again, like always.

"You know, I'll call you back later," I whisper before hanging up and calling someone I know I shouldn't but have to call.

"Hello?"

I sob into the phone and suddenly all the tears start coming out.

"Hello!" The voice says worried.

"Wi- Willow?" I sob as I fall onto my bed.

"Buffy?" she questions in a way to silent voice.

I start to sob some more, and I fall onto my bed and sob into my pillow. Everything seemed to fall apart slowly, everything seemed to be going away. I cry harder and slowly I start to unravel the story to Willow as she comforts me. I cry, for the first time since I can remember. I let all those tears fall out and the anguish that has seeped into me since the begging of the year, since I wasn't best friends with my best friends anymore.

"Are you okay?" Willow says, as my sobs start to end slowly.

"No."

"Can you explain it better now?" Her voice is so nice and welcoming that my tears start to fall again. I was so mean to her? How can she like me even.

"My mom is such a bitch," I whimper into the phone. "She doesn't give a shit about me."

"Buffy… She loves you," Willow says, and I can tell she was confused in how I can call my mom a bitch.

"Everyone hates me!" I finally say as the silence expands.

I can feel like she is rolling her eyes and I felt more tears well up. "No body hates you."

I sniffle a little and I feel my heart give a tiny pinch. "You and X-Xander hate me."

"We don't hate you," Willow says, she sounds annoyed, and I feel my throat quench up.

"Yes you do." And it was the sentence I never liked to think, but was always their in my head. Haunting me with its thought. The only people I trusted, the only people who were ever there for me, hated me. Suddenly things were dizzy and I didn't know what to do. Were was I? Who was I? What was I doing? And those were the million dollar questions.

"Buffy, we don't hate you… we're just- confused," Willow replies to my statement. "Disappointed."

I gulp and my throat tightens. "I didn't now what I was doing. It suddenly what I wanted seemed in reach and I took it, I didn't know I was going to screw everything up."

"Buffy, you don't need to explain it to me."

"And I know I disappointed you," Ignoring what she said. "I turned into this freak, this spoiled rich girl even though

I didn't flaunt it. I was rude and mean and I know that.

"And I, Willow, I don't know what I am doing anymore," and the sob reaches my throat and I start sobbing for a totally different reason now. The reason that should have come first, the reason that knew but ignored. Something that I did to myself. "I'm so lost, and so afraid. All I want are to people to love me. I just want someone to take care of me! And I know I'm spoiled for thinking that and a bitch but I can't help it… I'm so alone and all I think about is how I wish I can just come over to your table and sit there, and just not be afraid anymore. "

By the end of my long babble I'm sobbing on the floor, crying my heart out and I feel so lost. And all I want is for someone to come and hug me. But no one does.

I sit at the table at school and I know Cordelia is staring at me funny and I know my eyes are red and vainy, and I look tired, but I am. I sit at the table with the French fries and Mac and Cheese they served today at lunch and the smell sort of stinks and I'm really tired.

"Earth to Buffy!"

I jump in my chair and almost the whole table is staring at me. I rub my eyes and look at them. My eyes wide, and tired. I know I don't look good today, and I know I look drowsy but hey doesn't everyone have the excuse to wear sweats once in a while?

"Huh?"

Darla rolls her eyes at me, and I sit sort of hunchbacked in my chair. I'm just so depressed. Angel is looking over at me, worry in his eyes, like always. It's getting really annoying I'm not a baby and he doesn't need to treat me like one. I roll me eyes at him and my eyes land on one of the bench tables.

I look at one of the tables closely and see Willow, Xander, Anya, and a few others talking really seriously about something and I feel my stomach sort of quench. I look away quickly before staring into the eyes of Spike who is looking at me curiously, his smirk large.

"Nothing," I say as I eat a French fry and shake my head. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"I didn't say anything."

But all the while my heart is sobbing inside of me.

And Spike knows that.

TBC 


	9. 8th Grade: June, 1999

**TITLE: The Upper School**

**AUTHOR: Danielle**

**EMAIL: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel. **

**DISCLAIMER: All the charchters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy. **

**RATING: PG… There is some, will, this chapter, a lot of cursing. Also, if I have offended anyone with comments in this chapter, I want to clear it up now, that it is for the story and not what I really feel.**

**DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel. **

**FEEDBACK: Would love some!**

**AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16. **

**8th Grade- Trimester Four- June, 1999**

Zoning out is something I learned can be very useful. Especially when Darla and Drusilla can't seem to shut up! Half an hour I am here, at the mall, listening to them yap and yap and yap away with nothing in their brain! I am bitter, I know. No one needs to tell me. I'm almost falling asleep, almost but they just seem to need me in their conversation. Jesus. I finally make some excuse about needing to go to the bathroom and I run away. I as I am walking, I run right into someone. Shit.

"I'm so ssss-" and then I stop because right now I really don't need to face the people who I have once again abandoned. And if I finally face both Willow and Xander, it will finally occur to me that I have abandoned them even after they saved my life once again.

"Buffy," Xander says surprised. Well, he shouldn't be that surprised, I mean I am always here. Shopping, because my life is sad.

"Hey!" I say, trying to act all upbeat, when inside I'm scared they are going to come at me with beating clubs. Which can't be possible because they don't have any, but still… I'm a chicken.

Willow looks at me for a second, like she is judging me and I feel my inside fall; she never judged me before. "How are you feeling?" she finally asks.

I scrunch my eyebrows a little and sort of wiggle my noise and out of the corner of my eye I see Xander sort of laugh. "Good, better, I mean, you know."

"That's good," Willow replies.

And now we find ourselves in the tense moment of silence. I always wanted to know how they feel like, and now I wished I never felt them. They aren't fun, _at all_. I look down at my watch and then back at them and I try to think of _anything_ to say but my mind sort of draws a blank. Great, when I need my brain to work it just doesn't. Fucking brain.

"SO, me and Will are going to go. See you around, maybe," Xander says as he and Willow are about to turn around.

My eyes widen and I think fast (woah, I can think, finally). "Hey, why don't you guys join us?"

That stops them. "Join you?" Xander asks.

"Uh yeah, why not?" A million reasons you idiot. Darla, Drusilla, Xander hates them, Xander, little Willow.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Willow says and my heart sort of sinks. "But thanks for the offer."

I smile at that and think. "Hey, can I join you guys?"

They stare sort of blankly at me like I said something crazy. "If you want but aren't-"

"They'll get over it," I say.

We start walking and the tense silence sort of falls again, but not so tense. "So what have you guys been up to."

"Oh you know, the usual, smoking, sex, dope," Xander says and I laugh. I missed Xander… I'm such a bad person. How can I miss him when I am the one that abandoned him?

"Do you know why they call it dope?" I ask.

"Why?"

"Cause you turn into a dope," and I start laughing at my own joke, which I think is funny and true, but the important thing is that Willow and Xander are also laughing.

Once we reach the eatery and get our food, and sit down I start asking questions. "So you guys get your report card yet?"

"Nope, but then again I don't want it," Xander says.

"Aren't we supposed to get them in July?" Willow asks.

"Probably… but you probably have nothing to worry about," I say to her as I eat a French fry.

"Maybe… you never know," she says.

"Don't listen to her, she is lying, she got straight As," Xander says pointing a French fry in her face.

"Xander, you can't just assume-"

"I'm not assuming, we got our little cards that show us your grades and I didn't see A- or B+ or C. All I saw was that

stupid letter."

I roll my eyes at him. "A isn't bad thing, Xander."

"Shut up, Buffy," but he is smiling when he says it and I laugh.

:

"It was weird and not," I say on the phone as I speak with Angel.

"Weird?" Angel's voice sounds on the phone.

I smile and I think he knows I am smiling. I love talking to Angel. "Yeah, I mean I totally ditched them and they

were nice to me."

"Maybe they like you, Buffy?' Angel asks in a joking voice.

"Maybe," I reply.

"So what are doing tomorrow?" he asks.

"I don't know, now that school is over I have nothing to do," I say as I pull my pink nail polish out of make- up closet.

"We should do something," he says it so casually that I laugh.

"If you insist, Angel," I laugh at him and he laughs back.

"I really insist that you come with me, I mean I am only here for a week and then I leave," he says and then I gasp.

"NO! Angel! You can't leave me!" I say as I start polishing my toes.

"I have to. Camp is the number one most important thing to me," he says with false seriousness.

"I thought I was number one!"

He laughs at that and I hear him moving around and suddenly I feel my heart drop. I don't want him to leave, who am I going to call all summer when I am bored or when I need to complain or… just to be with?

"Angel, please don't go," I say quietly and for a moment I think he doesn't hear me and of course I am glad 'cause I am more or less begging him not to leave me.

"Buffy…" he says and I wish I hadn't said that.

"I was just kidding," I say, but I don't feel like I was kidding. Why can't I just tell him the truth?

"Buffy, what-"

"Can I write you?"

He is quite for a moment and then suddenly I wish I had never talked and opened my big mouth. "If you don't, I think I might cry."

I laugh and I sort of feel my heart jump. "Then I guess I have to," I sigh and I hear him laugh.

"And send me _Playboy_. Mom said she wouldn't."

"Haha," I say with no laughter in my voice.

Me and all my friends are at the mall, saying goodbye to each other, because almost every single one of us are going to camp or some weird country tomorrow. I'm going to England, were Mom finally gave me her permission to be able to do whatever I want with my hair, even if I want dye to it black (not that I would, cause, eww goth). I am sitting next to Angel who has his hand around me, and is playing with the strap of my shirt. It feels nice. He is talking to Percy about something but I look up at him and he looks down at me before looking back at Percy. A second later he looks down at me, stopping in the middle of his sentence. I smile up at him and he smiles back down and then looks back at Percy who has a grin like no tomorrow on his face.

"Aww, look at Angel and Buffy," he says with a fake sugary voice.

I roll me eyes at him. "Shove it up your ass, Percy," Angel says, but laughing to the joke anyways.

If only Angel didn't think of me as a sister. If only. That should be the title to the book of my life. IF ONLY! If only I could not be a chicken, if only I could be brave and tell Angel he belongs with me, if only I didn't follow Darla around, if only I could just go to Willow and beg her for forgiveness, if fucking only. I start to zone out like I always do when I hear Darla's squeaky voice call my name. I tense up and Angel feels this and grins down at me. I glare at him.

"Yeah?"

"When are you coming back?" she says, while looking at her nails.

I think for a second. "I don't know."

"Well, if you did I thought we could get together," she says, finally looking at me.

"Huh?" I really am lost to the conversation. I think I need to go back on my ADHD pills.

She huffs and then starts to talk to Dru. I look at Angel. "Did I miss something?"

Before he could answer I hear Larry shouting, "GEEK ALERT!"

We all turn and see Willow, and Xander walking towards us. I gulp, this cannot end will in any way, shape or form. I am such a wimp. God please help me. Have mercy, I swear I won't do anything bad for as long as I live. Well, you know, if I can help it. Like lusting after Angel, I can't help that-

Larry yelling breaks my indoor praying. "What brings you nerds to this side of the mall?" he says in a not so nice voice. I gulp, I am such a bad chicken. Chicken, Buffy you are a chicken. Chicken. Chicken. Chicken.

They look petrified and for a second Willow looks at me, and she looks at me with such disappoint it sort of breaks my heart. I think I feel it cracking. I'm am such a bad friend, and person. I look away before I do something stupid like cry and I hear Larry start mocking them. I turn red and try to look anywhere but where Willow and Xander are standing. I hear Angel tell Larry to back off but he ignores him.

"And you, Harris, you are such a faget!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP LARRY!"

I think I am in shock of myself. I am standing, puffing, at Larry. Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, I think I am going to die!

Everyone's head turns to look at me, and I know it is a bit shocking. I mean, me, Buffy, is sticking up for dorks. Omigod, and I didn't even see myself standing. But everyone is glaring at me, or looking a bit… shocked. Don't I know any other words! I look over at Willow and she is sort of… Well she is grinning, and that's a good thing. I think. Big grinning. Very good thing. And Xander is… well shocked.

"What did you say Buffy?" Larry says, his eyes I think are turning red…

I take a deep calming breath. Now or never. "You heard me. What right do you have to talk to them like that? They never did anything to you!"

I look over at Darla, and she has this smirk on her face, like she knew I was going to screw up eventually. Well, maybe I wasn't cut up to be popular. I take hold of my bag and climb my way out of where I was sitting and move towards Willow and Xander. I start to walk away from who I was before, and towards who I promise myself I will become. Xander and Willow behind me smiling like idiots. I just need one more look, and as I do I see Larry seething at being told at, and Cordelia being sort of shocked, but having a small smile on her face. Darla is just glaring, and everyone else sort of seems confused.

My heart sort of explodes, in a not so good way and I need to take deep breath but it's okay. Cause just as I was about to cry, Xander puts his hand around my shoulder and hugs me to him and Willow has this huge happy grin on her face and I just looking at how innocent and happy she looks makes me so happy.

We are just about to walk out of the mall when I hear someone calling my name. "Buffy!"

I turn around and I see Angel running towards us. Big grin on his face. "Wait up!"

Of course, I grow roots to the place I am standing. He finally gets to me and gives me this huge smile. I bite my lip but I have a smile on my face, still. It is starting to hurt.

Angel looks over at Xander as he pulls me to his chest and says, "You are going to have to move over. She is my best friend."

My heart flip flops as he pushes Xander lightly and pulls me closer to him.

"Hey! She is _my _best friend," Xander says as he pulls me back, and I can't stop the big grin that forms on my face.

"No, she is mine!" Angel says and just when he is about to pull me back, I pull out of both them and put my arms around Willow.

"Nope, I'm Willow's best friend."

Willow smiles at me and I smile back and I hear both the guys laughing in the background. I should have done this a lot sooner. As we walk out the mall I feel this feeling of accomplishment. I was finally popular, and I got my taste of it, and it showed me that it wasn't pretty and fun. It hurt and its pressuring and when I look back and look at Angel's face, and he smiles at me with so much pride, I see that finally, I'm happy. Which is sort of weird, I haven't felt it in so long… Oh well.

TBC

9th Grade… first year of High School. Hormones, fun. **wink** Just letting everyone know, that 9th Grade as I have it stuck in my head is the year of Angel.


	10. 9th Grade: Trimester One: September 1999

**TITLE: The ****Upper** **School**

**AUTHOR: Danielle**

**SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel. **

**DISCLAIMER: All the charchters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy. **

**RATING: PG… There is some, will, this chapter, a lot of cursing. Also, if I have offended anyone with comments in this chapter, I want to clear it up now, that it is for the story and not what I really feel.**

**DEDICATION: To my ****Willow**** and Xander, and to MY Angel. **

**FEEDBACK: Would love some!**

**AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16. **

**9th Grade- Trimester ****One- September, 1999**

I think I'm excited. But then again I always say that right when I am about to go to school, but this time, I sort of am. I mean, I look way different. Way, I mean, way. I don't think I recognize myself. Which is weird, in so many ways… I straighten my hair one more time and walk down the stairs. Dramatic exit… which no one in the family is in the living room to see… Gee. What fun.

I go to the kitchen and Mom and Dad are glaring at each other, and Dawn's smiling happily at the table. What a scene.

"Dad? I need to go already," I say, as I grab a piece of toast from the counter not bothering to greet anyone. I snuggle my head against Dawn's shoulder for a second and kiss her head. She gives me such a huge innocent grin, it takes me breath away and I wish that Dawn would stay eight forever.

"Right. Joyce, you're talking Dawn?"

She looked at him briefly. "Sure." Parents, they are so immature.

I walk over and take my new purple bag (which I bought all buy myself, with my own money) and wait for Dad toget inside the car. Doesn't he know I have to be early, I mean, seriously, FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL! He finally gets in and starts the engine, without even saying anything. I roll my eyes at him us I change the radio station to something normal other than weird music from old people times. Dad sort of glares at me and I sigh in annoyance. It is so frustrating living in house with Mom and Dad lately. All they do us fight and then they blame everything on me and Dawn.

Like everything they are doing is a favor for us. Well we didn't ask for you guys to be parents, and you know being a parent takes a lot of fucking favors. It is so annoying and they act so immature about it.

Once we finally get to school and he goes into the carpool and it is safe for me to get out and not get run over by a crazy parent, I make sure to slam the door. Loud. I stalk towards the entrance of the school when I see the guard at the front of the door. Shit, stupid ID, with the stupid ID. I can't believe they are making us bring our fucking IDs on the first day of school! Who the hell remembers to bring them?

I go to the side were the Dean of the school is signing people in who forgot their IDs. As I am waiting to sign my name in (happy to see I wasn't the only one who forgot about the stupid IDs) I see this tiny little person walk inside the school, tiny little

sevie. I smile at her, and she looks up at me with these huge wide eyes and I feel bad for her. She has no idea what is coming to her.

"Name?"

I look up at the principle of The Upper School and try to smile but I'm in a mood, as Mom would call them.

"Buffy Summers," I sigh. She looks through the list, and why do they have a list of eight hundred students.

I roll my eyes at it and walk through when she tells me I can. I walk slowly towards were the ninth grade hallway is shut my eyes. I am about to walk into itwhen…

"Holy Shit, is that you!" I turn around and a full-blown smile crosses my face.

"Xander!" I laugh as I run towards him and give him the best hug I could muster without out bags of books colliding and well, killing us.

"Buffy Summers, look at you, you gut Hott! With a capital H!" he says, and I can't help it but smile and blush at his comment.

"Xander…" I say, as my cheeks turn red, but in a good way, in a happy way.

"Turn around," he says, as he drops his books and bag to the floor.

I oblige and I feel my hair whooshing around me. He whistles and I have to smile. We walk into the hallway together and I feel people staring at me and I look down and smile at the thrill of it. Yeah people, Buffy Summers is back and she is hotter than fucking ever, I laugh evilly in my head.

Xander stops at his locker and I talk to him for moments before I head down towards were my locker would be. I open it nicely and stuff everything inside before rushing back up towards the hallway and lookfor Willow. I see Willow talking to someone really tall and I rush up to her.

I haven't seen her since I left to England. All we have done is talk on the phone, a lot, which my grandfather was really pissed about but still, I needed to know all the gossip going around while I wasn't here.

"Willow!" I say, opening my arms wide and I see her eyes widen in surprise as she hugs me.

"Omigod, Buffy! You look amazing. Your hair and your… omigod!" We start laughing, and she keeps touching my hair, which is blonde now. I feel someone looking at me and I turn around and see who Willow was talking to and my heart stops and my mouth drops. No fucking way.

"Angel," I say in astonishment as I hug him. I feel his arms come around my waist, and omigod his arms are so strong! His arms were never strong before.

"Buffy, hey," he whispers. I let go and look him up and down fully and then finally up at his eyes, which are so dark and intense looking.

"You got so tall! And… Angel your braces came off! I'm so happy for you!" I babble happily.

"And your so… blonde," he murmurs as he takes a piece of it in his hand. I feel a rush go down shoulders and bite my lip nervously, all the while still holding onto Angel. Who got so fucking hot, what was that about? I'm supposed to be hot, will Angel can to, but still. But he is so hot, almost like Brad Pitt or something. No, better. Angel is so hot, and tall. Short Angel is tall. Like five fucking six or seven

inches. And I'm only five two!

I look back at Willow and Xander who joins and I smile happily at them until I feel Angel grab hold onto my hand. I look up at him and he smiles this cute little smile and I feel my whole insides melt. I look quicklyback at Willow who is smiling happily at what she is seeing happing between me and Angel.

The whole summer I wrote Willow, and phoned her and I confessed to my crush on Angel. She said he liked me, but who could have liked me? I wasn't pretty, I was chubby and spoiled and mean. I twirl my hair in my hand while my left one is securely safe in Angel's hand. That sounds nice. Securely safe.

The bell rings and Willow and Xander rush off towards their homeroom, which I guess they obviously have together. I look at Angel who seems to be a lot more

quiet then I remember.

"Did you go mute over the summer?" I demand with a smile on my face.

His whole face breaks into this huge smile and I feel myself… melt. He is so beautiful. I am such a lonney.

"Nope," he says.

"Where is your homeroom?" I ask as we start walking down the hallway, still hand holding by the way.

"Library," he replies.

"Me too!" I say excited but then it sort of disappears because we start to pass these evil people. The arecalled popular people, but I gave them a new term this

summer.

I feel them looking at me I don't look back at them but I walk foreword. I feel myself start to break though. It's not easy knowing that I was once one of them and I had the school at my hands, sort of. Then I feel it…slowly at first and then it gets harder. Angel is squeezing my hand. Angel is being my life support.

"Ignore them," he whispers.

We walk right past them and nothing happens. Nothing happened. I'm still alive.

I look up at Angel and he smiles down at me. I givehim the best smile I can muster up and I think it works because his eyes sort of sparkle in response. And I just can't get over how different he looks. He is tall and musically and his voice, it isn't squeaky anymore and he looks so old! Well, older. But in a good way. A very good way.

We walk into the library and we sit down next to some people from our grade, and wow! Look at all these high school people, this is awesome! See when we where is

middle school, we had homeroom with people from our grade so we could get used to each other because so many new kids come in seventh and eighth grade. But now that we are in High School they combine it with other High Schoolers which is so cool cause I mean wow, we are finally in High School. I'm not a tiny little middle school person anymore, I'm in high school. This is so cool. I think I can get used to this.

We sit down on the red carpet, because there are no more chairs left and I see Ford looking at us, his face really dark. I shudder and muster up wave and give him the best smile I can manage which is not so big. He looks at me and Angel for a second and back at me and he nods his head slightly and keeps talking to whoever he is talking to.

I look over at Angel and he is looking at me and Ford with this weird expression on his face. Maybe jealousy! Yah!

"What?" I question, as the teacher (who has the fattest ass I have ever seen in my life) starts talking.

He looks at Ford one more time before he looks at me again. "Are you still into Ford?"

My eyes widen, how did he know about me and Ford? I know I never mentioned anything to him about me and Ford being those kind of friends. "I have no idea what

you are talking about." Play dumb, I'm positive Angel is going to fall for that.

He looks at me for a second, and he seems upset, or angry. "Buffy, don't play dumb and don't treat me like I am stupid."

I try to speak but my mouth starts to get dry but I think I have a funny expression on my face because Angel is laughing. This isn't funny. He grabs hold of the end of my big sweatshirt and put his hands through the sleeve hole so he can grab hold of my hand, which is inside the sweatshirt. He twines our hands together inside the sweatshirt and then pulls our hands out.

I look up at him slowly and he has that really pretty smile on his face again. "Even if I was into Ford… not that I ever was. I'm not into him anymore."

His smile sort of grows and he squeezes my hand lightly. My heart is beating way to fast and I think… this is so weird, but my stomach is sort of squelching from desire. I gulp.

"Do you like someone?" he whispers, and I'm not sure if he is whispering to be sexy or because the teacher is right near us. (and what fat ass!) I think it might be both.

"Yeah," it's okay to trick them once in a while.

"Really?" and he sounds sort of surprised to and disappointed. "Do I know him?"

I scrunch my noise, and smile happily before replying. "It's a girl but shh!" I say in a loud whisper.

Angel cracks a huge grin at this comment and I give him a sly smile. We finally start to listen to the teacher with the big ass and finally when she gives us our schedule me and Angel start to compare as we walk out. I look over at his piece of paper and see his code.

"Angel, tell me your code?" I say as I try to grab hold of his schedule.

"No," he says as he moves his hand away.

"Angel! You have to tell me, I'm your best friend!" I say as I try to get it back.

He moves his hand up high and I try and jump and get it, but it doesn't work. I'm to short. Jeez… I hate being short. We start walking down the main hallway towards the ninth grade hallway, Angel with his hand being up and me jumping and not reaching. Right when we are about to go inside our hallway I reach his hand and sort of force it down and I look up at him in triumph but suddenly, we are really close together and Angel's eyes turn super dark. I look up at him, eyes sort of wide, my hand still holding his wrist but slowly moving down towards his hand.

My breath seems to halt and all I can think is he is going to kiss me, right before first period. My heart is beating hard against me and I feel his hand come up and sort of cup my cheek and I still can't believe we are doing this in the middle of the hall during school. His breath is puffing against me and I swear I think he is going to kiss.

"Buffy!" omigod, omigod, omigod, this isn't happening.

I turn around with a tight smile on my face as I face Willow and Xander. Willow looks guilty almost and Xander seems oblivious. Stupid, stupid Xander, couldn't he see Angel was about to kiss me?

"What classes did you get?" Xander said, shoving his schedule at me.

I snarl at him and he still doesn't get that he did something bad and Angel is being such a total guy by moving away from me. Boys, they are so dumb!

* * *

Mom drops me off at Angel's house, and this is like three weeks after school started. Once I get to his house I ring the doorbell. His mom comes to the door and smiles nicely at me before telling me Angel is in his room. I give her a big smile and I run up the stairs. 

I run into his room close the door and flop on the bed without even looking at him. And I don't need to look at him to know he is probably at his huge CD collection and probably polishing it or something. He is so obsessed with it, it's crazy. He looks at me, to acknowledge me and then gets back to his CDs. Whatever, fucker.

Ever since that very fateful day in the school hallwayAngel has in no way tried to kiss me again, and you know a girl can get really impatient. I mean, we have had our fair share of flirting, yes he has held my hand at almost every chance he gets, and he always has his arm around my shoulder when we are around other guys, and whenever we go see movies he pulls me really close to him. So I know he likes me, so why the hell doesn't he play on it? Am I just crazy? Well, yes, but still! He likes me and I know it! … Guys are so stupid.

"Angel… can we go already?" I say as I get up from his bed and stand right in front of him.

He looks up at me and suddenly I feel really tall,until he gets up and I feel really short. Stupid tall Angel. "Yeah, let's go now."

We are planning to go to the movies and plan to take

his bike and his sister's, Kathy's, maybe if she lets us. She can be so spoiled sometimes, just like Dawn. He knocks on her door and she opens it and looks at us.

"Can Buffy borrow your bike?" Angel asks as nicely as he can.

She looks me up and down, and sometimes I feel like she just needs a big sister, I mean she looks so… boyish. "Sure, but don't scratch it."

"Wouldn't think about it," I reply as we start going down the stairs.

Once we are on the trail and head towards the Movie Theater, we sneak to are hidden short cut that cuts thorough the woods. I suddenly stop the bike and wait for Angel to do the same.

"Why did you stop?" he asks as I lay my bike on the floor.

I look up at him and give him a secret smile. "Let's get lost!"

"What?"

"Let's do it, not think about it. I always wanted to get lost in the woods," I say happily as I start to move way inside the woods.

"Buffy! The bikes!" Angel says, still standing were I left him.

I turn back around and look him happily in the face. "Hide them or something."

Five minutes later, I hear Angel running up to catch up with me, cause I'm not going to wait for him.

"Buffy," he says once he finally reaches me. "Do youhave any idea where we are going?"

I look over at him and raise my eyebrows. "No, that's the point of getting lost."

I finally stop walking once I reach the edge of a brown river that is really ugly looking. Angel stops right next to me and looks at the river. We seem to be deep in the forest. I turn around and Angel is right in my face, and I think my cheeks are flaming a little bit and my heart is jumping out of my chest and he is standing right in front of me.

I gulp and look up at him. He is so tall. "I think we got lost."

"Yeah," he whispers.

I turn away quickly and look out to the filthy river. I take a deep breath and slowly turn back around again. He is so close, and yet… Why am I so scared?

I look him right in the eye and his cheeks are red and mine are probably red to. He is standing so close, and it's weird and yet… "Kiss me."

He leans in and his lips feel so nice against mine. I feel his hands move to my back and hold me steady in his arms, while I sort of leave my arms hanging at my side and I like the way that feels, having his arms holding onto my back, tightly. He lets go, with one more brush of his lips on mine and hugs me close to him and I feel this huge smile spread across my face. Ilook up at him and he sort of leans his forehead against mine and he has this sort of awed expression on his face. I think it's good.

"That was nice," I whisper against his chest.

He smiles this cute little smile and kisses my forehead and hugs me close to him again. I yank at his shirt and he looks down at me again and I bite my lip in happiness as to what happened.

"What?" and his voice is so light and happy.

"Kiss me again," I whisper and he smiles at my demand and kisses me again. And God it feels so good.

**TBC**


	11. 9th Grade: Trimester Two: January, 2000

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel.

DISCLAIMER: All the charchters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy.

RATING: PG… There is some, will, this chapter, a lot of cursing. Also, if I have offended anyone with comments in this chapter, I want to clear it up now, that it is for the story and not what I really feel.

DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel.

FEEDBACK: Would love some!

AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16.

**9th Grade- Trimester Two- January, 2000 **

It's weird, sitting here at a hair salon getting my hair done all nice and fancy. It's nice and cool and stuff but weird. And exciting all the same. I never had my hair done, in a pretty way with lots of nice wavy curls and everything. And my nails, which I had also gotten done, all pale pink matching my dress. Yup, Homecoming is tonight and I'm so excited, but not. I am going with Angel, which is amazing in its own way; cause Angel, but then again not. Ever since that day in the woods, everything has been so different.

He seemed so happy about what happened and when we had arrived at his house after the bike ride, he kissed me again, and it seemed so wow and great. And then school happened. I don't understand what happened but he seemed so uncanny about the whole thing. Like he wanted to pretend it didn't happen. He told me not to tell anyone and I pretend to be all cool and telling him, "Why would I?"

What he didn't know was that I had went home that day and cried for so long on my bed, not understanding what happened. I remember Willow coming over and having to hold me as I cried for so long. I felt like everything that happened with Ford was happening all over again, heartbreak, hurt and anger. The difference this time was the fact that Ford wanted my attention, he wanted to be seen with me in public, he didn't shy away from what happened, he didn't hang out with other girls.

That was one of the worst days I had ever experienced. I had called Angel asking if he wanted to go see a movie. He said he couldn't, his parents needed him for something. So I went with Fred. The movie wasn't bad it was what I had seen after the movie that made myself lock myself in my room for the rest of the weekend. Angel there, with Darla and Gwen, talking and laughing. I remember making this sort of choking sound and running off, Fred going after me.

The lady that is doing my hair turns me around and I see myself in the mirror and I look so, pretty. I never felt pretty, beautiful. And looking at myself right now, with my hair curled in smooth waves all I can help but think about is that Angel might find me pretty when he looks at me. When Mom sees me she has this huge smile on her face, and even though I have been so mad with her and Dad lately, I can't help but smile back at her.

Once we finally get back to the house and I look at myself in the mirror I feel a tear slip down, because this is supposed to be my first High School Dance and I'm not happy or excited about it! I remember when Angel asked me, it was so surreal. Our parents were having his parents for dinner and he was in my room when I came home from Willow's. I remember looking at him before putting my bag down.

**FLASHBACK**

_"Buffy," Angel says. _

_"Angel, hi," I say as I slump my bag on the floor and look at anything but him. I had barely seen him at all in the last two weeks. And he was the one that was avoiding me. I finally got the message around a month ago that he wanted nothing to do with me. _

_He puts his hands in his pockets, and I know when he does that he either gets a. nervous or b. doesn't know what to say. "You can go on the computer if you want."_

_He looks over at my computer and frowns. "Oh uh that's okay."_

_"Fine," I say as I roll my eyes and walk over to my computer log in to my AIM. _

_I start talking to Willow when Angel starts speaking. "So, what have you been up to?"_

_I turn around at him, a little surprised. "What?"_

_"You do anything interesting lately?" _

_"You would know, but you are the one avoiding me," I say. _

_I can see he is hurt by this, but I don't care anymore. He hurt me and now I am done with being his pet monkey who will whine all over him. If he wants to be _anything _with me then he will be the one to initiate it. _

_"Are you going to homecoming with anyone?" _

_I look over at him, and quickly write into my IM to Willow _'brb, Angel is trying to be nicesuddenly'_ and put my away message on before turning to fully face him. He is sitting on the edge of my bed and he is looking down and from time to time looking over at me. _

_"Why do you care?" This is getting really annoying, him trying to be all friendly. We aren't friends anymore so he can cut all the friendly bull. _

_"I'm just curious, I guess."_

_"No, happy now?" as I swirl around and face my computer again. _

_He is quite for a moment before asking, "Did nobody ask you?"_

_"No."_

_"No as you were asked or No as in nobody asked you?" I see he is amused with his stupid joke and I glare at him. He shuts up._

_"I was asked."_

_"If you were asked why didn't you go with any of them?" he says and his face is so serious, and I still don't understand what he wants from me. _

_I finally turn around from my chair and stand up and look down at him. This is starting to be really annoying. What is his right to ask me twenty questions? "Because I didn't want to go with any of them."_

_"Oh… who asked you?"_

_"Ford, Parker, and Riley," I reply briskly. _

_"Three people asked you," he seemed to choke, good. _

_"Five, but Xander and Spike don't count."_

_"Oh."_

_He is such an idiot. "Are you going?" _

_"I don't know. I think I might ask Nina, or Darla."_

_I can't even talk; his assholeness is staring to get to me. I start to breathe deeply and I think I feel the tears welling in my eyes. I turn around and grab my night pack and start shoving clothes in them. I shake my head and I already feel the tears wanting to fall down my cheeks. _

_"Where are you going?" he asks quickly as he stands. _

_I look up at him for a second and then continue packing my bag and reply, "Willow, or Xander's or whoever. I don't want to be here right now."_

_I don't here anything so I assume he has given up when I feel him take a step towards me. I throw my bag on my shoulder but he is blocking my way out. "Why are you crying?"_

_I look up at him angrily and glare. "Why the fuck do you think, you aren't that big of a moron Angel." _

_He seems in shock for a second and doesn't move so I push him out of my way and I guess he is surprised because he falls over and hits his head against my closet and falls to the ground. I drop my bag immediately and lean over him touching the bump on his head that is now forming. _

_I look down at him and suddenly I notice our too close bodies. I feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest and this isn't good, this isn't good at all. I start to move away but Angel holds onto my arms and holds me where I am. _

_"Buffy…" he whispers and he seems so broken some how._

_"Angel, I really should-"_

_"I was scared," he cuts my off. "I was so scared, and you were… every time I saw you my heart jumped and I was scared, and guys were making fun of me that I was whipped and Buffy, I'm so sorry. I was killing myself and I remember I was going to come one day and say how sorry I was but you were crying on your bed and I knew it was because of me, and, God I am so sorry… _

_"Go to Homecoming with me?"_

_I was a little shocked, just a little. "You're – me, Angel, omigod!" _

_I stand up and turn around and I feel him do the same to. I look at my wall and I feel him take hold of my shoulder and squeeze it. I turn around fast and my heart is beating out of my chest and the way he is looking down at me is so scary and yet, it's like he _lives _for me. _

_"Angel…"_

_"Please, don't," he whispers and pulls me into his embrace and I hit him and pull away. _

_"Who do you think you are? First you avoid me like the plague and now you expect me to come and welcome you back with open arms?" _

_He seems quite and defeated and broken and I'm happy he is. Because that is how I felt when he didn't hold my hand at school, and didn't want to tell anyone about us. He hurt me more than I was ever hurt by anyone else. I turn around and sit on my bed and he follows me and sits next to me, and takes hold of my hand. _

_"Buffy, I am sorry. And I can't change anything, but if you let me…"_

_"Why should I? You were my friend, Angel! You were my _best friend_! And I trusted you and you killed it yourself."_

_He takes my other hand and I look down at them. My hands are so small and his are so big. His is are so rough, and mine are soft. They are so different from each other, but they match each other anyways. My hands sitting perfectly in his. _

_"Angel… us together or any way, doesn't work, we are just diff-"_

_"Buffy, I promise you, if you let me try I will make it up to you, I need you. You're my best friend_

_I look up at him, and he is so serious. "Angel, please don't make me regret this."_

_His face turns into this huge full blown smile and my heart breaks a little more. "I promise you won't."_

_But I already am._

So he wasn't forced or anything, but still. It wasn't like he was suddenly all over at school or anything. Yeah he was a little nicer, saying hi at least and even stopping by my locker. But it didn't change all that much.

Someone opens my door to my room and Faith walks in with her dress in hand. I smile at her.

"What's wrong?" she immediately says.

I roll my eyes. "Nothing."

"Yeah right. Now tell me what is going on."

"Faith nothing, just leave it at that, okay?" I say, thinking about Angel and everything that will have to happen tonight. Just thinking about it has made me in a bad mood.

"Well, don't say I never asked."

I give her an amused smile. "Thanks."

----

Looking at myself in the mirror with my dress, flowing around me, I can't help but feel… different. My dress, which is pale pink, shows a lot of back but when it comes up there are two thick fastenings making an X which tie around each other and then they both come to the front which makes it turn into a V line. And after that the dress sort of flows around me. It's really beautiful. And I feel really beautiful, but I still feel like I want the night to end already. I open the door and see Faith waiting for me; she is wearing a black dress that shows just a _bit _of cleavage.

She gets up and her mouth drops. "Buffy you are such a babe!"

I blush and roll my eyes. "Come on, we better go, it's already eight fifteen."

"B you look amazing, don't doubt yourself."

I look over at her and manage the best smile I can. "I'm not."

I take hold of the bag that mom got for me and wait for Faith to come. We are going to get dropped off by our parents and meet our dates there. Faith is going with Xander, believe it or not. Poor Willow is going to go alone.

Mom starts to take pictures and I roll my eyes and smile anyways. Once we finally get to the school and get out of the car its eight forty. Faith gets out quickly and runs past me and into the gym before I could do anything, and leave me here in the cold by myself. Gee thanks.

I'm about to enter the school when what I see stops my heart. Angel, standing there with flowers. Angel, waiting for me, moving back and forth waiting for me in the cold. I feel tears well up in my eyes and I don't know why. I come closer to him and we finally make eye contact and now there really are tears pouring down my face and standing right in front of him he hands me the white flowers he got me.

"Thank you," I murmur.

He cups my cheek and I touch my hand to his. He wipes the tears from my face "You're welcome… You look beautiful, Buffy."

"Thanks," I whisper. He pulls me into his arms and he leans his forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry, Buffy," he whispers. I nod my head and look up at him. His eyes are full of passion that I never have ever seen before and it is sort of freaking me out, but it's amazing. "Can I kiss you?"

I nod my head and he lightly touches his lips to mine, and I wrap my hands around his neck and he pulls me closer into him, and I feel like I am flying on a cloud and Angel is my anchor. I pull away when I feel like I need air and look into his eyes and they are full of so much happiness it sort of flutters my heart. I bite my lip and he smiles this huge smile down at me. He takes me into his arms and we walk inside (him still holding me _very _close to) the school the teachers' sort of smiling slyly at us and blush because they must have seen what happened, even though it was like twenty meters away from them.

"Names?" A teacher I don't know says.

"I know these kids," Mr. Storiesty says, my History teacher.

I smile at him through my tucked up place in Angel's shoulder. "Hi, Mr. Storiesty."

He highlights are names on the list to show we paid (_Angel _paid in advance) that we arrived and nobody can pretend to be us and we start walking down the hall. As we enter the theater (that is were we need to put our coats) Angel slowly takes my coat off, and lays it gently on a chair. I turn around to face him and he has this weird look in his eyes. I touch my hair and then look up at him. He steps closer to me and then pulls me all the way into his arms.

"Angel…" I whisper, but it sort of fades away because I know I am drowning in his eyes.

"You – you look amazing," as he cups my cheek and right now I am really glad I was late because no one is in the room. "I'm going to kiss you again, okay?"

I nod my head and before I know it his lips are on mine and I feel myself drowning in his arms and it feels so good and yet I'm still scared out of mind that he might leave me again. He lets go gently but stills holds me close to him. I look up at him and he holds me so tightly and yet… God this is only supposed to happen in the movies!

"I promise, Buffy. I'm so sorry," he says.

I nod my head and move away as he takes off his own jacket. We walk out and he grabs hold of my hand and we walk towards the cafeteria were the dance is being taken place. We walk in and immediately we are assaulted by Angel's friends.

"Dude, I thought you got here like twenty minutes ago," Larry says as he slaps Angel's back.

Angel smiles at him and pulls me closer to him. He looks down at me, and I feel my heart flip and my insides melt (not literally, of course). I hear Angel talking to his friends but I feel so _content _in my happy bubble I don't care that I am out of the conversation. But eventually I have to talk.

I pull on Angel's jacket and he cuts his sentence off and looks down at me. "What?" he smiles happily down at me.

"I'm going to see Will and Xand, kay?" I whisper so no one else can hear.

"I'll come with."

He says his goodbyes to his friends and we walk off, Angel still holding me tight, to find Willow and Xander. I see Xander is dancing with Faith like an interesting person and Willow dancing around with Fred, and Amy. I tape Willow on the shoulder and she spins around and her face sort of looks shocked and then she hugs me.

"Omigod, Buffy! You look amazing!" she squeals as she makes me turn around.

I look over at her. "You too!"

She looks over at Angel nervously and he is talking to Faith who stopped dancing with Xander. "You guys?"

I shrug slightly but I can't help the full blown smile that takes over my face. "I think so. I mean, I hope so."

She pulls close to me and whispers so no one else can hear. "Buffy, you have nothing to worry about. He is so in to you," and she moves her head so I know to look at him and he is staring at me with such, I don't know but it makes me shiver. The fast song that is playing now fades away and a new song starts up. A slow song.

Angel moves closer to me, and stands so close that almost every inch of his body is touching mine. "Dance with me."

I nod my head and he brings me closer to the center of the dance floor and holds me tight in his arms. I lean my head against his chest, and put my other hand that is not in his arm on his shoulder. Or I try to anyways. He looks down at me and sort of gives me this broody look but this happy broody look.

He tilts his head and goes down a little and our lips are almost touching. "Is it okay?"

I nod my head and Angel's lips touches mine and we are kissing in front of the whole High School to see. This has to be a dream.

----

Angel's Mom drops me off at home and I climb the stairs one step at a time. And I don't even care that Mom or Dad aren't downstairs to ask me how the dance was. Before I had entered the house Angel had kissed me goodbye. It was incredible but for some reason, I was still scared. Scared he would leave, scared he would find someone better, scared that he wouldn't come back.

When I get inside my room, I showered quickly to get rid of my make up and the stuff in my hair. I pull on my boy shorts and a big T- Shirt. I open my door quickly and walk inside Dawn's room to see her sleeping peacefully on her bed. I walk inside and sit on the side of her bed and touch her hair gently. Her eyes flutter open and she looks confused before she has a big smile on her face.

"Buffy!" she says in an excited whisper.

"Hey Dawnie." God I love her so much.

"I tried to stay up and wait for you to come home, but Mommy won't let me," she says.

"Wouldn't."

She looks confused and sort of scrunches her noise. "Mommy wouldn't let me."

I smile down at her and hug her close to me. "How was your dance thing?"

"It was great," I whisper.

I can already see she was falling back asleep and I smooth her hair. "Mommy wouldn't let me, I wanted to stay up."

She falls asleep quickly after that and I slowly walk out of her room and slip into mine. I go inside the cover of my bed and I am about to fall asleep when I hear a tapping at my window. At first I think it is nothing but then it keeps recurring and finally I climb out and open my window and frustration when a rock passes right by me.

"What the hell-" And I see Angel standing down at with at the bottom. "What are you doing here!" I yell at him in a hush whisper.

"I needed to see you."

What! Omigod this is so not happing. "Are you crazy?"

"Over you, yes."

Omigod, tears form in my eyes and omigod. I start breathing really deeply and my chest is heaving like I just ran a mile and without another word Angel starts climbing my tree. I step up and let him in and once he is standing in my room and he is looking down at me and holding my hands in his, I know I am about to faint.

"Wh- What are you doing _here_?" I ask desperately.

"I needed to see you. I uh I wanted you to know, that all I could think about was you and… I don't want you to, you know, doubt anything."

I don't know how this happened but next thing I know is that I am in his arms and we are making out like a couple of crazy kids. I feel him smile as he kisses me, and I his hand twines it self through my hair, and it just feels… amazing.

We let go and stare at each other and he cups my cheek. "I can't promise I won't hurt you, but I'll try not to."

I look up at him and bring my hand to his hand that is cupping my cheek. "Why do you act so big, Angel? You're only fourteen."

He smiles down at me. "'Cause your fifteen, I don't want to look young."

I yawn real big and he chuckles at me. "Tired?"

"A little."

"I'll let you sleep," he says. He starts to move to my window but I grab his arm.

"Wait," I say as I pull him close to me. "Stay, for the night. Just to hold me."

"And your parents?"

"I'll just say your door was locked or something," I say as he wraps both his arms around me.

"Really?" I nod my head.

He smiles at me before he goes down to kiss me and as I wrap my hands around his neck and hold him, for the first time this night, I'm truly blissfully happy, and complete.

**TBC **

_AN: Updates won't be as congruent as they used to because of things going on in my RL. But I won't stop posting just not as frequently as I used to. Thanks, Danielle. _


	12. 9th Grade: Trimester Three: April, 2000

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel.

DISCLAIMER: All the characters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy.

RATING: PG- 15, depends what you are aloud. This fic is going to be graphic and not only six wise, but pain wise. Also, as to prove my innocence and no one gets mad at me, if I offend anyone with comments in this fic, I am already sorry, but it's thoughts of Buffy not me, I don't think that way and I add this offensive for the thought of the story and not to offend anyone.

DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel.

FEEDBACK: Would love some!

AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16.

**9th Grade- Trimester Three- April, 2000 **

That feels so good. I mean really good. I really hope he doesn't stop doing whatever he is doing to my neck. I moan loudly and I feel Angel hold onto me tighter.

"Angel," I sigh when he lets go for a second. He looks down at me devilishly before he starts to kiss me again. I kiss back happily and God I don't think I've ever been this happy before. I start to reach my hands down his stomach towards his cock. I touch it through his pants and I hear the sharp moan that vibrates through his body. I look up at him and he has this look of ecstasy as I rub it gently, still through his pants.

I get up slowly, remove my shirt, and turn Angel over so now he is lying on his back. I unhook my bra and now I am only in my boy shorts. I pull at Angel's jeans and until they are all the way down and slowly pull down at his boxers until he is totally bare to my gaze. I look up at him for a second before he takes my hand. I lower my mouth to his dick and suck slowly.

I hear him moan loudly, and I thank God again that his parents are out of town and the only person home is his brother. I suck harder, and slowly I start to feel him coming, I feel him want to pull me up but I stay were I am suck him as hard as I can. Once I feel the stickiness I let go and watch as he come all over my stomach and his own.

I laugh happily and lie on top of him as pulls me closer and cups my breast all the while panting deeply. "That… was so good."

I smile happily up at him. "Really?"

He kisses me and I happily return it. I've been so happy I think I will burst. Ever since homecoming everything has been amazing. Me and Angel have been together ever since. And he has been so amazing, he even holds my books! And my hand, and my waist and my boobs… He is just so perfect.

Yeah, we've gotten pretty far, like 3rd base! Expect I won't let him give me oral sex down there just because I don't want him to. But I've made it pretty clear that I don't want to have _sex_ anytime soon.

"Why do I hear the theme of Dawson's Creek?" I ponder as I lie on Angel.

"Maybe cause your cell phone is ringing?" Angel answers.

"Shit," I say quickly as I get up and run around the room to find it. I see it piled under some of my clothes. I grab it quickly and breathlessly into it I say: "Hi!"

"Hi, Buffy?"

"Fred, hey watsup?" Angel looks up from where he is laying on his bed. His penis sticking up at me. He is such a pervert. I smile lovingly at him

"Um, something happened and… over the summer, I had an eating disorder."

My heart stops and my thoughts fall away. What is she talking about? I knew that, she told me that already but why is she telling me again, why is she speaking so formally… "Okay… Fred what's going on?"

"I lost a pound, and now the doctor I'm seeing is forcing me to go to a clinic, a rehab."

I think my throat stops and I can barely breathe let alone say anything. "What?" and to my horror a tear wells in my eyes. "When?"

"Tomorrow, I think."

I feel my voice clenching and I don't know what to do! What to say. Angel already has his pants on, looking confused. What do I say? What do I do? "Wh – Where?" But all I want to know is why? Why?

"Some place in San Francisco," she replies.

How can she be so calm! I don't understand. "I'll uh try to come and visit you? You do want me to come and visit right?"

"Of course!" She paused for a moment before continuing. "Buffy, I don't want you to worry."

"Fred… I- are you okay?" How can she be okay, she is going away. Forced from school. Oh God, what is everyone at school going to think? What are they going to say? Fred, little poor Fred, what are the going to say about her?

"I don't know, but I don't want you to worry, okay?" Fred whispered.

"Fred…" How can't I worry?

"I gotta go, but we'll talk, I promise."

My heart is pounding in my head and I feel like I am in going in circles. "Fred, if you need anything…"

"I know." And she hangs up.

I look up at Angel and I see the question in his eyes, but the cell phone is still in my hand and I just don't know what to do. He gently takes my hand in his twines are fingers together. With his other hand he smoothes his hair, and with that one touch my heart sort of calms, but barely. The cell phone drops from my hand and I look up at Angel and I can tell he is panicked but trying not to show it cause his hands are shaking.

"What's going on?" he whispers into my hair. Both are hands are touching each other at our hearts.

I look up at him and I laugh harshly. "Fred. She has an eating disorder, she's going away." And I say it so blankly it sort of freaks me out. Almost like it is an everyday occurrence.

Angel pulls away from me and I see the shock that is written all over his face. He didn't see it coming. Guys don't notice things like that, like girls being way to skinny. But me, me a girl, should have noticed that, I did notice it, and I did nothing about it. She told me not to worry, so I didn't think twice about it, and now she is going away because she had friends like me who didn't think about it, would could't read goddamn signals. Terror clutches at my heart as it dawns on me that being Fred's friend, one of her best friends, I should have done something. Said something!

My body is shaking and I hear Angel telling me is everything is going to be okay but nothing is okay. Fred is leaving and it's all my fault because I didn't do anything. Oh God, omigod. I pull away from him and look at him for a second. I was making out with my boyfriend while my friend had an eating disorder.

"I uh need to go," I say as quickly as possible. I slip back into my jeans and pick up my jacket. But before I could even get two steps away Angel pulls me back to him, boxer clad and all. He could at least have the decency to get dressed.

"Buffy, you don't need to hide from me," he says gently as he cups my cheek.

I pull away roughly from him and glare at him. "I'm not hiding from you! Now let go, I have things to do."

"Buffy!" Angel said as he started to walk after me.

I turn around so fast he falls trips over himself. "Angel, just leave me alone!"

And I walk away, happy he finally doesn't follow.

---

A week, one whole week since Fred has been gone, and people are starting to notice. Starting to ask me where she is. I keep saying she went to Florida, but then Willow told someone she was in New York. And Amy told someone she went to the Bahamas. They are such idiots, I told them Florida!

Sitting in History, the only class I have with Fred, had with Fred, all I can do is look at the seat next to me and wish she was here and not these stupid girls, these annoying girls who are trying to talk to me. We are reviewing for a test on some weird thing, like Japan and Africa. Our teacher, who is a real cool teacher made this really cool Jeopardy game on Power Point to help us review. And I've even known a few answers.

A slump into my chair when the other team gets the right answer. "Damnit!" I whisper harshly to myself. Why the fuck did that fucking team have to get the answer right!

"Hey!" My History teacher yelled. "Don't curse."

I stare at him blankly and I already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. If Fred were here I wouldn't have cried, if she were here I would be talking to her and not being yelled at. Nobody would be mean to me if she was here. I curse my teacher as I get up stiffly and walk slowly towards the bathroom, trying my hardest not to drop to the floor and cry myself into unconsciousness in the middle of the hallways. And if I did that the school would probably remember me as just another rich girl.

I open one of the stalls and stand awkwardly on the wall as I force the tears to hold. I take deep breathes as I hear girls washing there hands and pissing. I hear two girls talking about how Gwen and Darla had made out at a party. I ignore all the sounds and I whisper to myself that everything is going to be alright, it has to be alright. I take a deep breath and open my stall, walk right past the girls and into the classroom were people are almost jumping off the walls they are having so much fun. I swall the lump in my throat and look around me.

How are they having so much fun! Fred is gone, can't they see that. Can't they see I am in pain? Why is everyone so obvilous to everything, everyone. When the bell rings and signals that school is over, I don't even wait to hear what Mr. Ronan has to say, I run out of the classroom, the tears welling up in my eyes already. I see Angel coming out of his English class and he looks towards my class like he always does waiting for me so we can walk back to our lockers together. But when I see his face all I can do is have the tears start coming out of my eyes.

I run towards Angel and he takes hold of me and pulls my into his empty English classroom, and holds me as I cry. "Why Fred! Why Fred!" I sob into his arms. And all I can do is cry and let Angel hold me because for the first time all the control I ever felt was taken from me. .

**TBC **


	13. 9th Grade: June, 2000

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel.

DISCLAIMER: All the characters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy.

RATING: PG- 15, depends what you are aloud. This fic is going to be graphic and not only sex wise, but pain wise. Also, as to prove my innocence and no one gets mad at me, if I offend anyone with comments in this fic, I am already sorry, but it's thoughts of Buffy not me, I don't think that way and I add these things for the thoughts of the story and not to offend anyone.

DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel.

FEEDBACK: Would love some!

AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16.

AN: Two things about the last part, a lot of people didn't understand why Buffy acted the way she did when she found out about Fred having an eating disorder. When you're friend has an eating disorder, it's hard because you wonder why you couldn't do anything, if you guys have more questions on it feel free to email or IM me. Also, in the begging a lot of people didn't understand why Buffy and Angel were being so intimiate for being such young kids, and I don't want to sound mean or rude, but at that age AT MY SCHOOL that's what happened. If you guys have questions again email, IM me whatever, I'm willing to share. Again, sorry if I offened anyone with how graphic it was for minors.

**9th Grade- June, 2000 **

The fact of the matter is that school is over and now we have finals. Not one final like last year but four finals. Four freakin' finals! Math, Science, History and English. No offense but has the school gone like nuts! I mean seriously, I know are school needs like a good reputation and stuff but honestly they need to remember we are kids! Kids who have lives other than school. But then again, I can't really say that because most of my friends all they think about is school. I mean honestly, I can probably say that 85 of what I think about has something to do with school. If I think about it. Another 10 probably has to do with Angel, or boys but mostly Angel and then I guess the last 5 percent has to do with TV. Because if I think about it really, if I'm not talking to my friends about school we are talking about TV or Angel, which also has to do with school. I have no life.

I open my Science book and stare at it blankly. Like they really think I am going to know… ANYTHING that has to do with Science! I hate my school. To much work. All I get is work. And I always wondered is it the same in public school. A lot of people tell me yeah, but it doesn't sound like it. When we were in eighth grade we read Cold Sassy Tree, Animal Farm, Romeo and Juliet, Mice and Men, Night, and To Kill A Mockingbird. And in public school they read those books in ninth grade. I never understood why? Like with Math too, we are learning Geometry with Trigonometry. In public school, they don't learn that till like eleventh grade.

Stupid school.

And still staring blankly at the stupid science book. I hate science. So stupid.

---

I hate Science. I'm so going to die. This final is going to kill me.

---

"ANGEL! I need help!"

"Buffy, I need to study for my own final," I hear Angel's annoyed voice. Stupid Angel.

"Angel," I whine. "You know everything about science already. I don't know anything. And isn't helping me study help you study?" I add innocently.

"Buffy, I'm in double honors."

Stupid people in double honors. How the hell is anyone in double honors in science? Double honors… I hate those people. How is anyone in honors science. Like I mean, college prep, which is the regular class, is hard enough. Honors I know is probably a million times harder, but double honors. That's like double the hardness of science. For really smart science people, however they can be smart in science.

"Fine, then I won't help you." And I hang up. Like I could help him in science. I sigh and look around my room and then at my science book.

"You're are so evil," I whisper harshly to it. Biology, how I hate you.

I walk over to the stupid book and open it once again. Ten minutes later, I notice I am still reading the same sentence. My door opens and I am about to yell at Dawn until I see Angel standing there with his science book and all his notes.

"What are _you _doing here? I thought you were to smart for me?" I glare at my boyfriend.

"Shut up and study," he says as he sits on my bed and opens his book.

I keep glaring at him and finally he turns towards me. "What!"

"Nothing," and turn away and look at some weird picture in my book.

An hour after Angel arrived and has done nothing to help _me_ study, I feel him wrap his arms around my waist. I turn around from were I am lying on my back and glare at him.

"You spend an hour here not helping me study and now you want some lovin'. No, I don't think so."

"I need a break so I think I'm going to help you," he says into my neck. I get up quickly and shove my big _heavy _book into his chest.

"Finally!" I sit up straight and look at Angel. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Teach me!"

He flips through the book and finally lands on something. "What are the five stages of Mitosis and Meiosis ?"

I flip through the book in my brain. Nope we didn't learn that. "Angel, we didn't learn that."

"Yes you did."

Fuck. "We did?"

"Yes."

I look down for a second and breathe, okay. Fuck, I'm screwed. I look back at Angel and I already feel the tears welling in my eyes. I'm cryin over science! Science should so die! I feel Angel pull me towards him and I tuck my head in the crook of his neck. "Angel I don't know anything!"

He touches my cheek and I look up at him. He cups my cheek in his hands and he looks at me with those amazing eyes. "I'm going to help you."

I smile at him as my tears disappear. "Good."

I reopen my book and wait for Angel to start teaching me.

----

It's the end, finally! And I thought it would never would! Finals, a pain in my fucking ass. I rub my head in ache because it hurts so much. To much work, to much thinking. I sigh as I see Willow coming out of the of the other side of the gym. I wave at her, not even being able to talk. Two seconds later I hear a tune. "Willow… Dawson is telling me I failed."

"Huh?"

I pick my phone up and wave it. "See! It's fate, its telling me I failed!"

She rolls her eyes and I answer without looking at who it was. "Heeelllo?"

"Buffy?"

My eyes so popped out of my eyehole things. "Fred?"

"Hey, I'm back, home I mean."

"Omgiod! Omigod! Are you serious!" I look over at Willow and I whisper Fred, but I have a feeling she knew that already.

"Can I come and see you? Willow is here to? Want her to come?"

"Yeah, that would be great."

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Fred is better. I say goodbye and hang up my cell phone and look over at Willow. "Fred's back!"

We start to jump up and down like freaks. Everything is all right; everything is turning out to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.

---

After seeing Fred at her house (who looks so much better!) I come home and find a surprise on my bed. "Angel!"

"Hey," he says, getting up from my bed.

"What do I owe this surprise to?" I say as I sit on my desk and open my computer up.

"Just wanted to talk to you, before you know, I can't."

I scrunch my nose at him. "Why wouldn't you be able to talk to me?"

"Camp, I'm going in a week."

So his point is… "Okay."

He seems to be frustrated about something. "Buffy, I'm leaving soon for the whole summer."

Okay... I have expected that, 'casue I'm leaving for the whole summer to, but why is he getting so mad? "Angel? What's up?"

He looks away from me for a moment and then back at me. He comes and makes me stand up from my sitting position and holds my hand tight in my hand. "I think, over the summer we should be… open or something."

I stare at him in horror. Open? What? I pull my hand away from him and look at him like he lost his mind. He has lost his mind! "What? Why?"

"It's just, I'm going to camp. And… it's camp, Buffy."

"SO just because you are going to camp you want to go and hook up with other girls or something?" I glare at him. How could he? Why? Why would he do this to me? I feel the sob start to choke in my throat and hold it back. I start breathing like I am having a heart attack, and I think I am.

Angel tries to take hold of my hand but all I do is slap it away. How could he? How can he hold my hand after what he just said? "Buffy, you know it's not like that."

"Really? 'Cause what I am hearing is that I'm not good enough to keep and you want to go to camp and kiss other girls."

I walk away from him and look out my window so he can't see my crying. How can he do this to me? I thought he liked me, I thought he cared about me! The sob comes out before I can stop it and I feel his arms come around my waist and I am too emotionally distraught to stop him.

"I don't want to break up with you, Buffy. I could never," he says as he turns me around and closes his arms around me and gives me a hug, holding me closely.

I get up slowly, letting go of him and walk to the other side of the room and glare at him with as much hatred that I can come up with. "You always do this to me. Dropping me like yesterday's trash."

He looks at me with pain in his eyes, but I just can't seem to care because I'm to involved in my mine. "If you don't want to break up fine. We're open, or whatever. So does this mean I can make out with all he guys I want?"

He looks up at me and I can see that I touched a nerve. Good, he understands now. "I'm going to go."

I turn around without saying goodbye or waving or evening watching him leave or anything. Once I know he is gone, I slowly get inside my bed and hold onto Mr. Gordo as tight as I can as tears slowly start to fall from my eyes. My heart is pounding in my chest and my eyes hurt so much and all I can do is wish Angel were next to me.

---

I haven't seen Angel in a week. And today is the day he is leaving, going to camp. He hasn't called, hasn't IMed me. Hasn't emailed me. Nothing. Not that I have done any of those things to him either.

It's seven thirty in the morning and I know Angel is leaving in half an hour to some place in Northern California where his camp is. I lay on my bed, looking at nothing, and hoping that something will happen.

I hear my sister talking downstairs, and people climbing the stairs in our house, but I don't seem to care anymore. Nothing is happy. God, I hate Angel. The door to my room is being opened and I am about to yell at my sister to go away when Angel comes in. Great… ANGEL! My eyes snap open and I see him looking at me, having this cute little smile on his face and my heart sort of warms up a little, especially when I see he has flowers in his hand and I need to remind myself that I am mad at him.

"Wh- What are you doing here?" I sit up in bed slowly and then I notice that my hair is a mess and my face must look like shit. Great, now he knows I am depressed about him.

"I uh wanted to see you before I left," he says as he sits the flowers on the floor and slowly comes to my bed. I start to move to the other side of the bed.

"That's great really Angel, but you're the one that wants to stick your tongue down other people's throats so…" I say as sarcastically.

"Buffy…"

"Yeah," God my voice sounds so mean! I love it. He deserves it.

He touches my cheek and I try to move away but he doesn't let me. He climbs on my bed and I know this is going to be my downfall because he smells so good and God his eyes are so brown and pretty… Send me to the crazy house. NOW!

"I don't want to break up with you," he says as he strokes my hair.

"Then what _do _you want, because really I'm sick of being played around."

"You. You know that, it's just over the summer… it could be easier this way. I'm going to camp and you're going to London and you know, you might meet this guy and want to kiss him and I don't want you to not to because of me."

"'Cause I can think in my head you are probably doing the same thing too?" I say glaring at him. "Don't turn this on me. You're the one that has to kiss other girls. What, was there this girl at camp you didn't tell me about?"

"No. Buffy, don't-"

"Don't what? Be like this? Not react badly because I know my boyfriend wants to go out with other girls," I yell at him. I shut my eyes tightly before looking up at him. He is looking at his hands and then he looks at me. "I'm really tired of this. If you feel the need to kiss other girls then fine. But know that I'm not going to do that."

"Don't try to make me feel guilty, Buffy. That's not fair," Angel says as he gets off my bed.

I get up too, my anger growing with every single word that he is saying. "Fair! Fair! Don't talk to me about fair. It's not _fair _that my boyfriend wants to cheat on me! I will make you feel guilty because you are! You should be, the fact that you don't makes me wonder what made me like you to begin with!"

I put my hands in my hair and turn away from him. I look over at my alarm clock and see it's seven fifty. "You should go, you won't want to miss your bus."

When I turn around, he is gone.

**TBC – It gets better, I promise! 9th Grade is all drama, 10th is better. **


	14. 10th Grade: August, 2000

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel.

DISCLAIMER: All the characters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy.

RATING: PG- 15, depends what you are aloud. This fic is going to be graphic and not only sex wise, but pain wise. Also, as to prove my innocence and no one gets mad at me, if I offend anyone with comments in this fic, I am already sorry, but it's thoughts of Buffy not me, I don't think that way and I add these things for the thoughts of the story and not to offend anyone.

DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel.

FEEDBACK: Would love some!

AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16.

**10th Grade- August, 2000 **

The fact that I'm late to Drusilla's party isn't lost on me. I know I'm late. I want to be late. Everyone in our grade was invited to the end of summer party and I want my summer to end on a late note. I look at my watch and see that it's eight o'clock. I'm officially an hour late. I touch my hair and smooth it down. It's not as blonde as it was last year. I made it darker, like dirty blonde. We turn into Drusilla's neighborhood and I look out the window. I haven't talked to anyone since I left for England over the summer. Haven't responded to any emails, calls, and letters.

We pull up in front of Drusilla's house and it's huge. We have a pretty big house ourselves, but Drusilla's is ginormous or gigantic, whatever. I smile at my dad and tell him that the party ends at 12:00 but I'll call him 'cause I'll probably leave early. And every time I say that I usually end up staying the whole time, if not later. I look at him for a moment before I reflect on the though that I'm staying at my dad's house tonight. My parents separated over the summer. I don't think I've told them yet how much it broke my heart. Not that I want to. I barely saw it coming either. All I knew was that one-day we're that happy family and the next we weren't. And did I do something? IF I were a better student, would it have helped? The worst part of it all was that I was in England when the whole thing happened. I had to hear it over the phone.

I ring the doorbell and wait as someone comes and answers it. I know almost everyone is there already. People are never late to parties that are thrown, maybe just because we don't have so many, parties. The door opens and I smile at Dru's mother as I walk inside. She tells me to go downstairs and I follow the pathway down where everyone is. When I touch the first step, I already hear the music pounding towards my ears.

Have I mentioned how much I hate rap?

I start going down slowly and when I reach the last step, I take a deep breath. Ready or not, here I come. I laugh to myself and open the tingling things that she put in front of the door. When I get in, there is barely anyone inside, and when I look out the window, I see everyone in the pool.

"Buffy! Hey, wow, you look amazing!" Someone says and I smile nicely at them and say it back but then I start walking towards the pool.

As I walk in the music stops suddenly and someone looks over and points. "Look! Buffy! You're here!"

It was Faith.

I smile at her and I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I hear a lot of "Hi"s and "Buffy!"s. I start taking off my jeans and my shirt. I turn back around to face everyone and they have that look on their faces, like they can't believe it.

I go inside the pool towards were Faith and a few other girls are. Faith hugs me real tight and tells me how much she missed me and I tell her the same, and in this instant I really did. We start splashing around and dunking each other when I feel someone's arms come around me and I look up at Spike and a huge grin forms my face.

"Spike!" But before I could say anything else he pulls me up and throws my in the water. As I am about to go deep inside the water, I see someone looking at me and when I connect my eyes with him, I feel a jolt. "Angel."

But I fall deep inside the water and I come up spitting and cursing Spike's name. "You asshole!" I laugh at him as I start trying to dunk him. But suddenly he stops when Drusilla comes over and makes him come her way. I roll my eyes at the puppy Spike looks like and turn towards Faith who seems to pissed but… omigod!

"Faith…"

"What?"

"Are you okay?" I ask as we move towards a more secure location where no one can hear us.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"'Cause Spike is stupid? And Drusilla is dumb?" I say, amusement in my eyes.

"He can do whatever he wants, I'm just his friend."

"His _best _friend," I correct.

"Buffy, I don't care. Really," she says as she starts to swim away from this conversation and me. She is so stalling. I roll my eyes at her and start to follow her towards the deeper end of the pool but I change my mind and decide to get out of the water. As I get out, I look over to the hot tube and see Angel. He doesn't see me looking at him and that's good thing because now he can't see the hurt I am feeling with the fact that Darla is literally sitting on his lap rubbing herself on him. She is such a fucking piece shit. Stupid slut.

Guess he wanted to make our break or whatever we where on more permanent. I roll my eyes at them as I climbed the stairs to go inside Drusilla's house. I looked over and ignore the stares that Percy and Larry give me and go over to the food table. For the first time this whole night, I noticed how hungry I was. I started snacking on the chips that are sitting there. For a second I wonder where Willow and Xander were and why they didn't come, or if they were just going to be late.

I was just about to go ask if I could borrow someone's cell phone when I felt someone put a towel over my body and hold onto me tightly. I turn around and was about to yell at the person who did this when I stare into _his _eyes.

"What are you doing!" I snap at him as I started to take it off.

Angel held my arms so I couldn't take it off. "You are walking around with nothing on! Anyone can see you!"

I was so shocked that I really couldn't say anything. For a second. "What right do you have to tell me what to wear!"

"I'm your boyfriend, of course I have a right."

This time I'm speechless. Like really, I swear my mouth has dropped and I cannot think of anything but WHAT! He takes my hand pulls me towards the bathroom and I'm still in shock and all I can think is what. He shuts the door, I'm standing in the middle of the bathroom in a daze, and all Angel is doing is staring at me. Wasn't he going to say something? He still kept staring at me. Why do I have to say something? Why is my boyfriend the one without the brain. (Expect all those As he has, and double honor classes he is in. Still!)

"What the hell is going on, Angel? Last I checked we were on a 'break'." Saying break with a mocking tone.

He starts to move towards me and I panic and start to move backwards until I hit the shower curtain and I almost fall into it the bathtub. "That was the summer. Now summer is over, and all I want is you."

I move away from his gaze and move to the other side of the bathroom and stare at him with confusion. What does he want from me? "Darla was sitting on your lap like two seconds ago and now you want only me? Angel make your decision already! I'm not a maid that you can call whenever you want! I'm a human being for godsake, I have feelings to!"

"I know that. I was just saying hi to Darla. I don't want her and you know that."

"And even if you didn't want her, you had the you the ass you wanted over the summer and now that we are back in school you just want mine back again. Angel sorry to break you bubble but it doesn't work that way. You can't bounce me back and forth like a yo-yo."

He looks at me for a second and he gets this really broody looking thing on his face and he just gets so cute when he has it… but I'm still mad at him. But he is just so cute looking.

"I didn't hook up with anyone at camp."

Wait. What? "What?"

"I didn't hook up with anyone. I almost did but all I could was think about you."

What? Huh? Omigod, this so is not happing. "Are you kidding?"

"No."

My mouth is hanging open and Angel didn't kiss anyone else! Yah! Before I even have another thought in my head I threw myself against him and started kissing him senseless. I feel him wrap his arms tight around me and for the first time I feel how big and muscular his arms got. I melt into his embrace as he probes my mouth and slowly starts exploring my mouth with his tongue.

We must having been making out for a while because the next thing I hear is someone banging on the door. I look up at Angel and we are both panting heavily from the lack of air and our bodies are so wrapped around each other we look like a knot.

"Whatever you guys are doing, open the goddamn door already!" A familiar voice shuts through the door and I giggle. Spike just loves ruining the moment.

I look up at Angel and bit my lip but still smile and he just smiles down at me before standing up, with me in his arms and opens the lock and walks out of the bathroom, ignoring Spike's comments.

He carries me into a empty bedroom and shuts the door. He lay me on the bed, put his head on my chest, and started to stroke my stomach. After a second, he looked up at me and I just fell, fell into his gaze. Melted.

"I'm sorry."

I touched his cheek softly. "For what?"

He kissed my stomach before looking back up at me. "For what I said before camp."

"Oh."

"At camp, all did was think about you. I wrote a million letters, I just never had the guts to send any of them. My friends kept saying how whipped I was, and I just wanted to prove to them that I wasn't. So-"

I put my hand on his lip, he looks up to me, and his eyes are so brown, so gentle. "I don't care."

"Let me- I need to tell you."

I nod my head once and expect the fact that he was about to tell me about how he made out with some random girl at camp. This was going to be so much fun.

"When we were finally alone, me and the girl, and she started to come closer to me, I started to hyperventilate. Like freaking out, I nearly jumped across the room when she touched me."

To say my head snapped up and looked at Angel with shock is a bit of an understatement. My mouth started to blossom into a huge smile and I couldn't help but laugh a little. But the experience really seemed to traumatize him. Still, it was funny to watch.

"It wasn't funny Buffy. Really. She thought I was some weirdo. But all the while all I could think about was you, the way you looked at me before I left and how you laughed and smiled and everything about you. All I could think about was you. And I had to expect the fact which my friends taunted me with for the rest of the summer, that was whipped. You have me wrapped around you finger, Buffy. I would do anything for you just to see you happy. I want to fly all the way to England to see you. But my dad wouldn't let me."

I couldn't help the tears. Stupid tears!

He touched my cheek gently and wiped them away. "I was such a jackass Buffy. I don't know what I would do without you."

So cliché but I gave him a watery smile anyway before I kissed him again. He got his point across. And all the while I was kissing him; feeling his hard, gentle body against mine, the way I felt his heart pound against my chest, all I could think about was how old people said you never find love at such a young age like 15. But this huge feeling that was taking over my heart, all I could do to explain it as love.

TBC


	15. 10th Grade: Trimester Two: February 2001

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV throughout middle and high school, dealing with normal teen things… and Angel.

DISCLAIMER: All the characters are Joss Whedon's, the school and teachers own themselves, (will the schools is … but) but all names are changed for privacy.

RATING: PG- 15, depends what you are aloud. This fic is going to be graphic and not only sex wise, but pain wise. Also, as to prove my innocence and no one gets mad at me, if I offend anyone with comments in this fic, I am already sorry, but it's thoughts of Buffy not me, I don't think that way and I add these things for the thoughts of the story and not to offend anyone.

DEDICATION: To my Willow and Xander, and to MY Angel.

FEEDBACK: Would love some!

AN: This is my disclaimer. This is not my life, please do not think that one teenager went through all this. There are some serious issues going to happen in this fic and if you need clearing up on certain things, feel free to email me or IM me at MooShee16.

**10th Grade- Trimester Two- February, 2001 **

"Girls should most likely know how to use a condom and carry their own if they plan to have sex."

"Are we going to learn how to put one on?"

"Yes."

Wait. WHAT! Ow. Ow. OW. Shit. SHIT. Way to go Buffy, fall out of your chair, you're super smart.

"Buffy Summers, are you alright?"

Stupid Buffy. Dumb blonde-haired person. "Yeah," I mumble as I get up and sit back in my chair, rubbing my head still cursing myself.

The class is looking at me like I am crazy. Well, maybe I am, a bit, but how is everyone else reacting so well to this? We are going to have to touch a condom, let alone put it on something! And I'm the crazy one, they say? I knock my head against the table and suddenly everyone in class is quiet again.

"Buffy Summers, once again are you alright?" are sex education teacher asks.

I glare at him and sit up straight. I she trying to make me look stupid? Suddenly Mr. Brinns pulls out a red plastic square from a bag. And a cucumber. Oh. My. God. We have to put it on that! On a freakin' vegetable! "What the hell is that!"

"Buffy Summers, watch your tongue, sit down, and be quiet or I will have to send you to the Disciplinary Office."

"Right. Sorry." I look at Willow who is laughing at my behavior and then look at Angel who is just shacking his head. I punch him in his back and he then mock glares at me before taking my hand in his and twining them together.

Mr. Brinns passes a cucumber and a condom to everyone and explains we should practice.

"Right," I say as I stare at my big cucumber and slowly rip the square. "You can do it, Buffy. It's only a condom."

I look over at Angel and he is… "How the hell did you do that so fast?" How, that was like five seconds.

"Buffy, you honestly think I have never put a condom on?"

Angel had sex. When did Angel have sex? Who did Angel have sex with? Where was I? "You uh had sex? With who?" Keep it steady. Maybe he… I can't believe he had sex. I already feel the sob swelling in my throat.

"Buffy, I never have had sex before," Angel said shaking his head.

"Then how the hell can you put on a freaking condom on so fast?"

"I've practiced."

"What with a cucumber?"

"No, on myself."

Oh, right. He does have one of those. Right. "Right. I'm going to go to the bathroom."

I rise quickly from my seat, sign out, and rush down the hall towards the bathroom. I open a stall and knock my head against the wall. This is not happening to me, I mean, me and Angel have gone pretty far but sex?

I sat on the toilet, look at the poster that is on the bathroom door, and crack my knuckles. A few seconds I hear the door open to the bathroom and someone open another stall. I get up, open the door, leave the bathroom, and walk back to class. I pout all the way there. Right, I can do this. I take a deep breath and open the door and see that all the guys have finished already but most of the girls were still having trouble.

I slump into my chair, ignoring the stares Willow and Angel gave me. I puck up the cucumber and then the condom which I left open on the desk and slip the condom on the vegetable. I drop the cucumber quickly and look up at Mr. Brinns. "I'm done! Now what?"

He looks at me a second. "How did you do that so fast?"

Now everyone in the class is staring. "Uh… I just did?" I shrug my shoulders and pick up the "penis" and start spinning it. I feel someone looking at me and look over at Angel. "What?"

"How did you do that so fast?"

"I just did. Why is everyone making such a big deal? Jesus." I roll my eyes at him and wait for everyone else to finish.

Once everyone was done Mr. Brinns starts talking again and of course I start to space out. Maybe I should be tested for ADD or something.

"Has anyone considered sex before?"

What. No. We are in 10th Grade anyw— NO! Omigod, omigod, put your hand down, NOW! I swallow quickly and I feel myself start to hyperventilate. Breathe in out in out.

"Angel would you like to explain this decision?" Yeah, explain this decision.

"I feel like we should be able to show our love towards each other if we feel the need to. Age or no age. It's not a bad thing, and if we use protection then I don't see the problem."

"That's a fair argument, would anyways like to speak against this argument?"

No one raises their hand. So what everyone thinks that they should be able to have sex? What, are they stupid? "Yes, I would." I can't believe Angel just told the whole class he wants to have sex! "Sex is for people who are in love and not for whorny teenagers! Just because we think we are adults and think we "love" each other doesn't mean its real!"

Everyone is staring at me in shock and I quickly look over at Angel who is not meeting my gaze. Shouldn't it be me who is not looking at him? What do I now? The bell rings and I pick my books up and I am about to go over to Angel but he is out of the room before I can say anything.

"What's with Angel?" I say as me and Willow walk to our lockers.

"Buffy, you are stupid."

"What? I mean, what?" What I do? You know those feelings you get when you want to smash your foot to the ground like a kid; I want a moment like that right now.

"Angel said to the whole class he loves you and said you didn't!"

"What? When did this happen, I clearly do not remember a declaration of love! And who said I didn't love Angel?" Is she delusional? Angel does not love me. And why would he say it in front of the whole class. And of course I love Angel. "Anyways, Angel told the whole class he wants to have sex." I grumbled.

"With someone he loves."

"_I feel like we should be able to show our love towards each other if we feel the need to."_

Oh yeah, he did say that. Oh shit! But still, I don't want to have sex. "It's not like he said it out loud or anything. All he said was that he wanted to have sex with someone he loves."

"Being you?"

Whatever. "If it's true he would have to tell me. What he said is pretty broad anyways."

I slam my locker shut and walk towards French alone. I sit in my desk and wait for Angel to come but when he does and he sits down next to me, he sits as far away, as he can and before I can even say anything the teacher comes in.

Throughout the whole class, I am looking at him and he wouldn't meet my gaze. "Angel," I whisper. He looks at me for a second before putting his hand to his lip, literally telling me not to bother him. Fine, I can be like that too. I cross my arms and ignore him for the rest of class.

**2 days later**

Two days, and me and Angel have barely spoken. No little, love text messages in the middle of the night, no holding my hand in the hallways. Nothing. And today is Valentine's Day! I sit in my Science class, and listen to my teacher drown on and on about some chemistry thing. I look at the clock when everyone starts getting up. What's going on?

"Hey, where are we going?" I ask Cordelia.

"To the seminar class."

Kay… because suddenly Mrs. Harts decided we are super smart in Science? We walk to the classroom and everyone starts going to their friends. I see Angel talking to Percy and Hogan, who had gone over to him, and ignore me completely. I stand at the front of the room when the Honors kids come in. I move to the back of the room to give them space, and suddenly wish Willow had Seminar science 7th period. Why did their have to be so many kids in our grade who are so smart in Science?

Angel knows I have science this period, and he did see me come in. At least he could do is acknowledge me. It is Valentines Day! My lip comes out and I feel my throat start to tighten. I raise my hand and suddenly I notice that the teachers are talking about something. "Yes, Buffy?"

Everyone turns to me and I try not to let the tears that are threatening to fall out. "Can I uh go to the bathroom?"

"Sure." I quickly leave the room, ignoring the stares. Once I get to the bathroom and I'm safe in the bathroom the tears start to flow quickly. Once I feel like I can control myself, I wipe up and leave the bathroom. I walk into the classroom and I slip into the back and once again ignore the stares.

"Miss Summers are you alright? You look pale." Mrs. Harts stats.

I give a forced smile. "I'm fine, I'm uh tired."

I look down and ignore the stare that Angel gives me. I wait for the teachers to explain everything and the second the bell is done, I grab my books and briskly walk out the class but I felt someone grab my elbow and I turned around and looked into Angel's eyes.

"What?" I really didn't have time for him.

"What's wrong?" he said, as he tried to pull me away out of the entrance of the Science classroom.

"None of you business," I mutter as I try to pull away but he doesn't let me go. "Let me go."

"What do you mean none of my business? I'm your boyfriend!"

"Some boyfriend," I mumble underneath my breath.

"What do you mean some boyfriend and what is going on with you!" Angel yelled at me.

This whole time we are doing whatever we are doing I was looking at the floor but after what he said my head snapped up. "ME! Me! Have you lost your mind! I'm not the one with the whole attitude! I'm not the one ignoring and avoiding their significant other! So yeah, it is none of your business until you tell me what is up your ass. And because you are so stupid and stubborn I won't find for a while. So… go away!"

And with that I march off but once again I get pulled by my elbow by Angel again and this time all my books fell to the floor. "What the he--"

"I'm sorry I get upset when I love you and you don't! So sorry for getting a little upset."

"Maybe if you weren't such an – What? You love me?"

"Yes. I love you," Angel said, but he looked down.

"You love me?"

"Yes!"

"Love," pointing to myself. "Me."

Angel gives me a chuckle before nodding. Oh. Willow was right.

"Me to." I looked up at him and I feel slight tears forming around my eyes but not falling. I feel Angel's hands take mine and twine them slowly.

"You love yourself?" He said with a smirk on his face.

I hit him gently before Angel engulfed me in a hug. I heard the bell ring but I could have cared less. "No, well yeah, but me to. I love you too."

Angel kissed my head gently before tucking me into his neck and we walked slowly towards my locker. I opened my locker and take my books that I need for Study Hall and then once I had done that, Angel had taken them from me held them in one arm, and then them took his other arm and put it around my shoulder.

We walked slowly to class and once we reached the room Angel held onto me and kissed me slowly. When he let go, I felt all the stares from the room but I could care less.

"I love you, Buffy," Angel whispered.

"I love you. But I'm not having sex with you."

Angel laughed at me before turning around and heading towards his locker and his class. I enter the class with my happy daze and everyone is looking at me like I'm crazy but I can't help it. But everyone is still staring.

"What? Is there something on my face?"

**TBC**

I know the ending sounds confusing but I'm just trying to show how life goes on in a good way.


	16. 10th Grade: Trimester Three: April, 2001

TITLE: The Upper School

AUTHOR: Danielle

EMAIL:

SUMMARY: AU. Buffy's POV through out her whole middle school and high school life and how she survives going to a _very_ strict school, which who goes has tons of money. And the faults of just being a kid. And of course... some Angel.

RATING: NC-17

DISCLAIMER: All Joss Whedon's. This is a fact fiction. All names are changed for privacy matters.

FEEDBACK: Very much wanted!

AN: If you have any questions about this fic, please check my profile for my email

**Grade- Trimester Three- April, 2001**

"Why are we going again?"

"Just go! Please don't leave me with all those annoying political people," I beg at Willow.

"I still don't get why you have to go," Willow mumbled as we carried our trays of disgusting food to the Exhibition Hall.

"Angel asked me to go. He said he wanted me there."

"I didn't know Angel loved politics so much," Willow said.

"Are you kidding," I said as we go up the ramp towards the hall mumbling to the teacher on guard we are going to JSA. Stupid Junior Statements of America. Everyone goes there, if you need to shout your opinions to each other about how gay marriage is wrong or abortion should be done. Stupid retarded smart people who have nothing else to think about accept that. "It's all he talks about."

"Seriously, he never struck me as the kind," Willow said as she opened the door to the Exhibition Hall, which wasn't even a hall it was just small room.

"Yeah, he is like in love with Ann Coulter, and Bill O'Reily," I say quietly as we enter the room and see already as people are yelling at each other. I see Angel on one side and I'm about to go to him when he stands up and starts yelling at one poor little junior.

"Are you kidding! Your point is useless, so when they torture people they might force them to lie, but how do you think anyone gets any of their information? We need to do this, its for the safely of our country! Do you want another 9/11?"

I stand still and I think I am in shock. "That was Angel, right?" I murmur towards Willow.

"Yeah," I can tell she is also in shock.

"Let's pretend we don't know him."

"I think that's a good idea."

We sit _far _away from Angel. People keep arguing with each other and me and Willow are sitting in shock. "I think that's why people don't vote."

"Yup. People are crazy."

Me and Willow start laughing and some dumb junior glares at us. I glare back. "Do you need something?"

He turns his head and me and Willow starts laughing louder. "And people call me crazy. They should come here and rethink their decision."

Willow laughs at my remark and then we both erupt in laughing when someone roared at someone else. "Why did Angel make you come anyways?"

I take one of my _Freedom _Fries and chew. "He says we never can have lunch together anymore. Which is sort of true. He is never at lunch anymore. He either has an SAT II class, or some kind of club."

"'Cause you guys are having lunch right now together," Willow said with a smile.

We hear Angel's voice snapping at someone and I chuckle. "Yeah well, its better than nothing."

"Are you guys doing something tonight? It is Friday."

"Yup! Angel's dad is taking his clients out to dinner, and I'm coming with," I say happily.

"That's nice, hey did Fred tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"She met someone."

"No! For real? Who?"

"I don't know him, names Charles or something like that. She seems smitten with him."

"That's great, I'm so happy for her. I really want to meet him."

"Yeah, me too. She said she would bring him around one day."

"That's great."

The bell rings and me and Willow jump out of seats and dump our trash in the trash can and walk happily out of the Exhibition Hall. As we walk out, I feel someone's hands wrap around my waist and I twist around happily and wrap my hands around his neck. "Hey their."

"Hi," Angel murmurs before he bends down and kissed me.

"Now isn't PDA wrong for Mr. Political here?" I question as we walk down the hall towards the 10th Grade hallway. He smirks down at me.

"Really? If it would be I wouldn't be allowed to do this," he says as he swipes me down and kisses me passionately in front of our whole grade. When he lets go I can barely open my eyes. I hear him chuckle and some whistling from our friends and when I open my eyes, I can't help but smile.

"I was never against it."

He puts his hand around my shoulder and he starts walking me to my locker. "So, are you ready for tonight?"

"Yup, I have the perfect dress. It's gorgeous," I say, looking up to him as I dial in my code to my locker.

"We are going to get home pretty late," he says as he starts playing with his hair.

"Okay, I'm sure mom won't mind," as I take my math stuff out of my locker.

"Actually I was thinking, maybe you could sleep over," he says. He stops playing with my hair and I drop my books and stare at him.

"Uh…" What I am I supposed to say?

"Buffy, I don't want to have sex with you." I glare at him and he laughs at me. He cups my cheeks and kisses my nose. "You know what I mean. Of course I want to well you know, but I'm not going to force you into anything you don't want to do."

I bit my lip and smile happily. "Okay, I just need to ask Mom-"

"I already asked her and she said yes."

I stare at him. Is he serious? "Are you kidding?"

"No," he looks at me weirdly. "I called her last night and asked and she said that was a good idea."

I stare opened mouthed at him. "That's amazing! She barely lets me sleep over Xander's house."

He glares at this and I can't help but smile at this. "And you shouldn't. I bet he masturbates to you."

My face turns into disgust. "Angel that is so sick, in so many ways."

"It's true," he mumbles and he looks so cute when he is mad like that. We start walking towards his locker.

I wait a while as he gathers his books and we are the only ones in the hallway now, the bell already ringing. "So… do you masturbate to me?"

He looks at me quickly and then shoves his face quickly behind the locker door but I saw his blush. I smile happily and push the door out of my way and smile up at him. "I hope that blush is because you do."

Angel looks over at me, and I smile. "Yes." He finally says.

He closes his locker and he walks me to my math class, kisses me. "I love you."

"I love you," and I watch as he walks to his own class. People in my class aww at us, but I'm still in my bubble. Angel masturbates to me!

* * *

Angel holds my hand as we walk out of the restaurant. The dinner was amazing. We enter his car and his parents start taking us to his house. He doesn't live that far from me, but far enough that it takes a distance to get to my house from his. We reach his house and his parents quickly go to bed and me and Angel go to his room. We take off our shoes and I move slowly towards the center of the room.

His room was huge. I always felt so small when I was in it. I feel even smaller when Angel stands next to me and he looks at me with his brown eyes, intense and beautiful. I gulp and he is right in front of me.

"I uh think you should lock your door."

He turns around quickly and he locks his door and he looks so big in suit and mature in his suit. He turns around. He comes closer to me again, and holds me gently in his arms. I tug at his suit jacket and he gets rid of it. I slowly begin unbuttoning his shirt and un-tuck it and let it fall to the floor. I touch my hands to his chest and put my hand over his heart. He takes hold of my hand and kisses it. I bite my lip and smile best I can.

His hand reaches the zipper of my dress, and he slowly pulls it down. It falls to the floor around my feet. I stand in front of him in nothing but my black underwear and I swear I hear his and my heartbeats going faster. He picks me up slowly and lays me down on the bed. He gets rid of his pants. Angel lies on top of me and slowly brings his lips down on mine. I wrap my hands around his neck and bring his whole body against mine. My breasts smash against his chest, and are legs tangle and I hear him moan in my mouth.

I feel his arousal against my thigh and I bring my legs up so that his arousal touches mine through my underwear. "Buffy," he murmurs.

I tug at his boxers and he looks down at me. "What are you doing?"

"Take them off."

He looks at me before he sheds them. I touch him lightly and I feel him moan again. "Buffy."

I start rubbing him lightly. His body is tense and I smile into his neck as I feel him try to stop himself from pounding into my hand. Just as I'm about to roll him over and go down on him, I feel his hand touch my underwear. My eyes snap at him in panic.

"Let me," he whispers as he slowly pulls down my underwear. He comes back up to me, and slowly starts inserting a finger. I can't even move. He moves his finger up and down, and slowly it feels good, feels really good. I close my eyes when I feel him insert another finger and move my head to the side, as he starts kissing my neck. Slowly I start to resume rubbing him. He starts moving faster and I start to moving in a frantic pass. I starts moaning, trying to get somewhere. I come shouting his name and he starts kissing me to keep me quiet. I feel him come against my stomach, and I sigh. We continue to kiss and slowly he lets go. I look up at him and he moves away from me to get the towel that he has against his nightstand. He wipes my stomach and his, all the while looking at me.

He throws the towel in the trash and looks at me. He lies over me and I touch his hair. "I love you, Buffy Summers."

"I love you," I whisper in response.

He rolls over and he pulls me tight against him. I pull the blanket over our shoulders and giggle as our heads our hidden underneath the blanket.

* * *

"So what you doing today?" Angel asks as I walk out of the shower.

"Studying, working probably," I respond as I quickly pull on my bra and underwear and then pants. "Why wanna do something?"

"Let's go to the Bronze. I want to dance with you," he says as he pulls me into his embrace.

I smile up at him. "Really? And why do you want to?"

"It's Spring Break soon, I want to have you as much as I can before you leave," he says as he traces small circles on my hip bone.

"It's only ten days, Angel. I'll be home before you know it."

"Well I don't like being away from you," he said.

I roll my eyes. "And what happens when you go to Harvard and I'm still in little ole Sunnydale?" I laugh lightly. When he doesn't answer I turn around and stare at him. "Angel?"

He looks up at me and his eyes are so serious. "Would you come with me?"

I snort. "Like I could ever get into Harvard."

"I mean if I went away would you go somewhere near me?"

I stare at him for a second. "Angel…" His eyes are near tears and I don't know what to say. I come up to him and hug him close. He slowly puts his arms around me and hugs me. Why is he so serious all the time? I kiss his chest through his shirt. "Angel, I love you. We are only in 10th grade. Sixteen! When we get there, than we'll deicide were we go okay."

He pulls away from me and his eyes has some kind of innocent hope. "Were we go?"

I smile lightly. "Were we go."

**TBC **


End file.
